Cross my heart and hope to die
by xCrossxMyxHeartx
Summary: "This year is gonna be legen- wait for it - …", he made a supposedly dramatic pause before continuing his sentence. "…dary. This year will be legendary. " Spinelli and her friends are now in their second year of High School. And not everything is going to be just as "legendary" as they thought it would be. (SpinxTJ, obviously.)
1. At least we made it this far

Hello guys, this is my first Recess fanfiction ever so please be gentle with the reviews. Even though I'm always open for criticism. It would be stupid to say that this Fic will be any different from all the other TJxSpin Fic's out there. I'll just try to do my best and throw in some humour maybe and well make it interesting to read. English is not my first language so my English is probably not 100% perfect. Hope you can still understand what I'm trying to tell you ;-)  
Just have fun reading and maybe leave a small review so I know if you liked it or not :-)

* * *

I remember, when I was younger (and by younger I mean middle school times), me and my friends would always fantasize what it would be like finally going to High School. We would sit at the lake, skimming stones and keep exchanging our fantasies about being a High School student.

Of course our stories were full of having a lot of free periods, spending lunch together and on the weekends having the best parties of our lives, just getting drunk and not giving a care in the world about anything.

_Yeah, scrape that._

When it was finally time for me and my friends to enter High School it was nothing like we expected. In the beginning there weren't any parties at all, since the older kids who where throwing them, didn't want to have some lame freshmen roaming at their parties.

The teachers were much less understanding, when it came to prolong a deadline for an essay and homework was no longer something that could be done 5 minutes before the lesson started. That's what our free periods had to be used for. The stress was really heavy on me and my friends in the first few months of High School.

But since I don't want to scare anyone away from going to High School I have to admit that throughout the first year a lot of things changed for the better. I got used to the stress and the teachers were, in fact, really trying to help me being able to get good grades. Or in my case grades that were at least acceptable. I had never been one to get straight A's in all their classes and as a matter of fact, I never wanted to be one of those brainiacs anyway.  
I started kickboxing as an extracurricular activity and it really helped me with my… well, let's call it 'anger issue'.  
It wasn't like I ran around just hitting someone in the face because I felt like doing it or that I started to put up a fight whenever I was in the mood for it… but in elementary and middle school I was known for my tomboyish characteristics and also violent outbursts when someone was really provoking me. I never seriously hurt anyone though. Well, I guess.

But the one thing, that really helped me cope with all the stress and changes were my friends. The six of us had been friends ever since kindergarten and even though we started to have different hobbies and interests, we never lost touch throughout freshmen year. We all definitely went through some changes and some of them were long overdue.

As I already mentioned, I had always been one of these girls that preferred kickball over having tea-parties with stuffed animals. 5 out of my 6 best friends were boys and I never even thought for a second about putting on make-up or wearing skirts and high heels.

Well, I'm still not one of these barbie-like girls who only care about their appearance but I was now thinking twice about what I was going to wear for school and I didn't mind applying a little make-up when I was going out. Still, I kept my feisty attitude and I wouldn't give it up for anything. In the end, High School was nevertheless like some kind of jungle in which it was either eat or be eaten. And everyone had their own trick to make sure they were not being 'eaten' by the popular people.

* * *

I only realised that I must have been lost in my thoughts, when someone slapped my back really hard and I could hear a familiar laugh in my ears. Turning around my eyes fell on the brown-haired boy the unmistakable laugh belonged to. TJ Detweiler, my best friend ever since kindergarten was examining me with an amused look on his face.  
"What'cha thinking about, Spin?", he asked, now turning to the locker in front of him, but still never breaking visual contact with me.  
"Nothing, just random stuff.", I answered, also starting to work on my locker combination in order to get out my books and notes.  
"So, are you excited for sophomore year?", TJ asked, when he was finally done getting his school stuff out of the locker. It wasn't really easy for him, since he was not the tidiest person alive and that's why his locker was full of random papers and also some clothes. He just shoved everything back in and slammed the door shut, now looking at me again.

I shrugged, unsure how to answer his question. It wasn't like sophomore year was going to be any different, right?  
"Well, I know for a fact that I am. This year is gonna be legen- wait for it - …", he made a supposedly dramatic pause before continuing his sentence. "…dary. This year will be legendary. More parties, more football and maybe one or two dates with our beloved head-cheerleader."  
I rolled my eyes, not just because of the stupid catch phrase he had stolen from his favourite TV show but also because of the comment about dating the head-cheerleader. It was Ashley A and TJ knew very well what I thought of her. Just in that moment she and her fellow cheerleading friends came around the corner, passing by me and TJ, getting the attention of every single guy in the hallway. Their short skirts were definitely one of the reasons every guy was staring at them at every chance possible. I didn't get why they had to run around in those uniforms all day long. But it was probably because they couldn't live without getting the attention.

When I looked back at TJ I saw that he was also following Ashley A with his looks and I couldn't help but smack him against the shoulder. With raised eyebrows I gave him a very clear look that I didn't understand what he saw in her. She was nothing but a bitch.  
This time it was TJ's turn to shrug, but I couldn't help noticing the little smirk he had on his lips, in his thoughts he was probably already planning out his date with Ashley A, which would most likely end up with the two of them sharing TJ's bed for the night. I shuddered at the thought and tried to concentrate on something else, but lately it had been getting really tough not to get annoyed by thinking about TJ hooking up with Ashley A or any other girl in general. Of course I knew why I was feeling that way and why every time he looked at me I was feeling a more or less pleasant tingling in my stomach. I wasn't stupid; I knew what being in love felt like. At least I knew how people in those boring romantic movies described it and it must feel very close to what I was starting to feel for my best friend. 

It's not like I didn't see it coming. I mean, ever since that stupid experiment in 4th grade, when our friends forced me and TJ to kiss in order to find out if we would enjoy it or not, our friendship has grown stronger than our friendship with the others. Maybe also because we lived only a few houses away from each other and basically saw each other every day, also after school.  
But even though I realized a while ago that I might be developing different feelings towards TJ, I would never tell him or anyone else for that matter, because I was too afraid of blowing up our friendship. It was clear as day that TJ was totally into girls like Ashley A and was only having feelings of friendship towards me. And it's ok, I guess. It's better to be his best friend than to lose him because he doesn't return my feelings.

Again I didn't realize that I was lost in my thoughts and this time also staring at TJ in a probably really weird way, until he started to wave his hands right in front of my face.  
"Is anyone home? Spinelli, you sure you're ok? You seem totally out of it today.", he said, this time he didn't seem amused, but rather actually worried if I was ok.

"Yeah sorry, I just… didn't sleep very well last night.", I lied, not wanting to ask him anymore questions about what I had been thinking about. But before he could've gone any deeper into the topic, we were interrupted by the ringing of a bell, telling us that we have to get to class.  
"See you later.", I mumbled, walking straight to class without looking back or waiting for TJ so we could go together.

My first period was chemistry, ugh, and I was glad to see Gretchen already sitting in the lab obviously waiting for me.

Gretchen hadn't changed much when it came to her brain. She was still smart as ever, sometimes even way smarter than the teachers (which were really annoyed by it, but Gretchen couldn't help but correct them when she realized they made a mistake). I was really glad for still having her as a friend, because she had to save my ass more than once in terms of homework and projects.

But Gretchens outer appearance had definitely changed. In middle school she had gotten braces, which had tamed her huge front teeth which are now sitting perfectly in line with all the others. She had gained some weight, but in all the right places. She was still way taller than me, but not so scrawny anymore. Her long brown hair was usually up in a pony tail and she traded her glasses for contacts. She wore skinny jeans combined with a cute blouse and on her feet were normally flats, since pumps or high heels would make her look way too tall.

I sat down on the chair next to her and put my bag up on the desk in front of me, while the other students were slowly filing into the lab.

"Hey Spin, you ready to take on sophomore year?", Gretchen asked, smiling at me brightly.

Why was everyone acting like sophomore year was such a great change from freshmen year?

"Well, it's not gonna be any different from freshmen year so I guess I'm ready.", I answered, but with a much more muffled voice since our teacher had started to talk and greet the class.

"But there's gonna be a lot more parties, since we're no longer the youngest I'm sure we will be invited to some senior parties.", Gretchen said, while eagerly writing down everything important the teacher was saying.

I hadn't given that a thought until now. Of course there were a few parties last year, but they were usually thrown by other freshmen or sometimes sophomores which were nice enough to invite us. This year we might actually have a chance to get into a real High School party. Not that I cared much about it, but it would probably be fun.

At the end of the period Gretchen had written down almost to full pieces of paper while the only thing I had done was playing a game on my phone, which I was hiding behind my bag. My teacher probably noticed but I guess he knew that I was a hopeless case anyway when it came to chemistry.

When it was finally lunch time, I felt like I never had a summer break but had been going to school for weeks already. I was getting really tired and I couldn't wait to finally come home to lie in my bed and sleep until the next morning.  
The cafeteria was already crowded with people when Gretchen and I came in. My eyes searched for a very certain table, but Gretchen seemed to have found it before me because she was tugging on my leather jacket and pointing with her hand in the exact different direction than I was looking at.

"There they are.", she added needlessly and we made our way over to the table where our friends had already seated themselves.  
Seeing them from afar really made me want to chuckle. We had to look so weird, all of us sitting together. We were so different from one another and yet we were so close. Usually there was this arrangement in the cafeteria. Every group of friend had their own table but normally these groups of friends were much more alike than we were.  
For example the cheerleaders were always sitting at their own table, sharing the latest school gossip. The jocks were usually close by and I sometimes wondered why they didn't bother Vince and TJ not sitting with them, since they were also on the football team.

Vince actually had a great shot at becoming team captain, but usually the team captain was a junior or senior so he would have to wait till next year. He and TJ had joined the team in the beginning of freshmen year and it really helped them gaining some popularity around here. I didn't know anyone who didn't like them and they didn't even try, you know? People just liked them for being them.

Next to Vince was Gus who had really grown since elementary school. And with really, I mean _really. _He was about 6'3 now and he had gained some muscles after spending nearly ever summer break in a military camp. But he was still the same old Gus, who would cross oceans to keep his friends save. He was also dating Cornchip-Girl since last year, the girl who would always eat corn chips in elementary school. We obviously called her by her real name now – Theresa. She was also sitting at our table, but it was the first time, since she was a year younger and had only today started to go to High School as a freshmen.

The only person still being taller than Gus was Mikey. He had, in fact, lost some weight but was far from having the perfect body. But I couldn't imagine him looking any different. He continued singing when we came to middle school and in High School he went into drama club and had ever since been one of the lead roles in every school play. He wasn't one of the most popular kids in school and sometimes some of the 'cool kids' would pick on him, but he learned how to ignore them and was happy with who he was.

Gretchen sat down next to Theresa and after TJ had noticed me, he pushed Vince a little bit further to the left to make sure I could sit next to him. I couldn't help but smile at the gesture and didn't hesitate to sit next to him. After I sat down that smile must've transformed into a more lovey-dovey smile, which I was giving TJ, because I could suddenly feel Gretchen staring at me with raised eyebrows and a knowing grin lying on her lips. I shook my head furiously, trying to get that stupid smile off of my face and in order not to stare again, I directed my gaze onto my fingers as if they were the most amazing thing in the world. I knew that Gretchen was sensing something about my 'hidden feelings' about TJ, but I didn't want to talk to her about it, because it would make things even more difficult. I didn't know why, I just knew it would.

During lunch we basically talked about our plans for the weekend and how we were still unsure what to do, until some really high-pitched voice interrupted us. I sighed, knowing very well whose voice this was but not wanting to turn around because then I would've had to look into her plastic-like face.

"Hey TJ, you know I was like wondering if you are going to that party on like you know, Saturday.", she asked and I could practically hear her flutter her eyelashes at TJ. I tried my best not to make puking-sounds. I could see that I wasn't the only one at the table who was not so fond of Ashley A's company. Gretchen was rolling her eyes, Theresa was raising her eyebrows and also the guys were all looking rather annoyed by her. The only person, who seemed to be very happy about Ashley A being here, was TJ. It felt like Ashley A had been standing there for 30 minutes, when in fact she had been there for 3 minutes.  
TJ grinned widely, but when he realized we weren't just as excited as he was, he started to frown.

"She's not as bad as you guys think. She can be really nice when she's not around the other Ashleys.", he tried to convince us but no one seemed to actually buy his story.

"She's a bitch, Teej. She's stupid and she only cares about her looks. She would do anything to be popular. Even date someone she doesn't even like." I tried to put most emphasize on the last sentence because I was 100% sure that she only wanted to go out with TJ because he was on the football team and everyone in school liked him.  
"Whatever.", was TJ's reply, before he got up and left the cafeteria without saying another word.

"Asshole.", I muttered, being fully aware that the others could still hear me. The mood at the table had suddenly changed and Vince tried to ease the tension a little bit.

"So, are we going to that party or not?"

Hope you guys liked it, I'm not 100% sure where I will go on from here. I don't think this Fic will have 467034574893 chapters, but I'll try to make it as complex as possible so it won't get bored. :-)


	2. Blame it on the alcohol

**Big Cliffy Meanie1**: Thank you so much for your review! And I'm really glad you liked the first chapter, I hope you'll enjoy this one just as much. And wow, thanks. I knew my English wasn't horrible but that compliment that really made me blush a little.

* * *

Ok, maybe my reaction towards TJ and Ashley had been _kinda_… rude. I could've at least _tried_ to hide my profound aversion for Ashley A and her existence and could've tried to not take it out on TJ. Yeah, maybe I could've been a _little_ bit nicer, but that was no reason to ignore my 5 calls and 20 messages.

Actually TJ was supposed to be my ride home after school, but apparently he was a little, just a _little_ mad at me for my reaction during lunch and therefore didn't think it was necessary to wait for me to take me home with him. Because of him I had to walk home. And when I had finally made my way home, I decided to call him and _maybe_ even apologize (of course only after he had apologized to me for letting me walk home). But he didn't pick up and he didn't for the rest of the day. He read all my messages but didn't respond to any of them.

Just when I was about to call him a sixth time, my phone started to chime in my hands. Instantly I could feel a sensation of relief because I thought it would be TJ calling me back, but this sensation faded only seconds later, when I read the name 'Gretchen' on my phone screen. For a few moments I considered not taking the call but I realized that wouldn't be very fair towards Gretchen, since she hadn't done anything wrong.

"Hi Gretchen, what do you want?", I asked, after answering the call.  
"Nothing in particular, I was just wondering what was going on between you and TJ today? Was kinda odd seeing you snapping at him for talking to Ashley A. And I also wanted to ask whether you're coming to the party or not? You left early after lunch and I didn't have time to ask you again. The guys are all going, but I'm probably only going if you are, so…?"

I sighed, before answering her. I didn't really feel like going to the party and because I also hadn't felt like talking about the reasons why I didn't feel like going, I had left the cafeteria without giving a straight up answer to Vince's question if I were going with them or not. I knew that it would most likely be fun, a lot of people from our grade were going and I was sure I'd regret not going afterwards. But some part of me really didn't want to go there, just to be watching TJ and Ashley A making out half of the night and then later disappearing into one of the rooms alone.

"I'm not sure yet. Can I make up my mind tonight and tell you tomorrow?" I asked, knowing Gretchen wouldn't be content with my answer anyway. Especially, since I totally left out the part where she asked me about TJ.

"Ok Spinelli, we've been friends for over 10 years now and you still think I don't know you well enough to realize that there's something going on with you? You would never just pick up a fight with TJ and you would never ever miss going to a party. So tell me, what's going on? And please, don't tell me you're just 'not in the mood' or anything like that. I know you better than that."

And she was right, there was something going on and I was actually already suspecting that she knew, but wanted to hear it from me anyway. I was weighing up my options in my mind. I could just tell her I didn't feel well and hang up, which would make her mad (and I didn't need two of my best friends being mad at me, I wasn't really good at handling that kind of stuff) and she would just ask me another time. Or I could just tell her the truth which would lead to a lot of more complications and then she would probably never stop talking about it.

Still, I knew that lying wasn't an option here. Gretchen had always been there for me and she had always been honest with me, so I kinda owed her some honesty this time.

"Ok, but if you tell anyone I'm going to kill you. Promise me." – "Ok I promise I will never ever tell anyone that you are about to tell me that you have a crush on TJ."

And in that moment I would've loved nothing more but to hang up on her, throw my phone across the room and hide under my blanket for the rest of my life.  
So she _had_ known all this time.

"Spin, you still there?" I heard her ask on the other side of the line. She sounded somewhat worried, maybe because she thought I was already making plans to kill – either her or myself.

"Why didn't you tell me that you knew? How long have you known, anyway?" I finally ask, not sure if I really want to know the answer.

"I don't know… I guessed I've just been sensing that there is something going on between the two of you and you were always so mad when TJ went out with another girl and yeah… and I didn't tell you because I knew you would deny everything. But now I know I was right and we can work on a plan together."

_Wait, what?_

"What plan are you talking about?" Again I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"Well, the plan of how the two of you are finally getting together. Come on, everyone has seen that coming ever since elementary school. You two belong together."

I couldn't believe it. She really wanted to set me up with my best friend. Well, I had a crush on him but that didn't mean that she could just play Date Doctor for me.

"I don't need a plan because I don't plan on doing anything about the situation because TJ and I have an amazing friendship and I don't want anything to destroy that. You should know that, since you always read those stupid magazines in which they keep saying that best friends cannot ever be lovers. I don't want to lose TJ and I'd rather have him as my best friend than to not have him at all."

Silence. Gretchen seemed to think about my answer, she seemed to think veeeery long because after 5 minutes she still hadn't said anything.

"But right now your friendship doesn't seem so amazing either.", she finally said and I couldn't help but agree with her. In the past months the two of us had spent much less time together than usually. Mostly because I was making up excuses to not hang out with him, but that was only because I didn't want to hear him rambling about his stupid dates with stupid girls. But I would do anything to keep our friendship alive, even if that meant not showing my real feelings for him and having to deal with annoying stories about his girlfriends.

"I will fix that, ok? Please, Gretchen. You have to understand what kind of situation I'm in. I can only lose. If he doesn't return my feelings, which he obviously doesn't, and I tell him, he will distance himself from our friendship because he's afraid of hurting me or whatever. And if he did return my feelings, then we would possibly have a nice relationship and as soon as we would break up our friendship would be lost, too. I don't want that to happen, it just can't. So just let me deal with this on my own."

Again there were a few minutes of silence, but in the end I could hear Gretchen sigh in surrender.

"Ok, if that's what you want. But you have to do me a favour." – "Yeah?" – "Come to the party. It will be fun."

I had to think for some moments, but she was probably right. It would be fun and maybe something that would take my mind off of thinking about TJ. Just me, my friends and of course a whole lot of alcohol.

"Ok, I will come."

On the other end of the line Gretchen let out a squeal of happiness and as our talk continued, she didn't say another word about TJ or Ashley A and she didn't say anything the next few days in school. Sometimes I could feel her watching me when I was furiously staring at TJ and Ashley A talking but all in all, she accepted my request of not wanting to talk about it anymore.

* * *

And by Saturday, the day of the party, I was actually really looking forward to the party. Gretchen and I had decided on meeting at her house before the party and getting ready together and also do some pre-drinking.

"So, is there anyone special you are wearing this extra tight top for?", I asked, an amused smile resting on my lips, while I was sitting on Gretchen's bed, flipping through the pages of a magazine which had been lying around.

Gretchen had finally decided which top she wanted to wear tonight and was now observing her outfit in the mirror. I could see her body stiffen and there was also a slight blush on her cheeks.

"No, absolutely not. Can't a girl just look nice without everyone thinking it's to impress a guy?"  
I hear from the tone in her voice that I was totally right, but I just chuckle to myself und decide not to enlarge the topic, since she didn't do it with the TJ-problem.

"You ready now?"  
Gretchen nodded and I got up from the bed and took a closer look at the mirror myself.  
And I actually liked what I was seeing – not that I thought I was pretty, not at all. But I didn't think I looked hideous either.

I was wearing my favourite pair of black skinny jeans and had the pants legs rolled up slightly. My top was crimson red and since I was already shivering, I put my black leather jacket on. I couldn't remember a time that I hadn't worn one of those. Even in elementary school it was the only kind of jacket I wanted to wear. Of course I did not wear heels, because it was stupid going to a party wearing heel – in my opinion. You were running around all the time or even dancing and wearing 5 inches wouldn't make that any easier.

I was wearing my black hair down, with the hair-ends being slightly curled.

We had a few shots of vodka before we finally left the house and walked the few blocks from Gretchen's house to the house of Anthony Davis, a guy from our school who was apparently throwing the party. I had never talked to him before and I wasn't exactly sure if I knew what he looked like but I knew I wouldn't be the only one not knowing the host personally.

I was already feeling a little bit tipsy so I decided to take it slow from then on. While Gretchen was immediately heading for the bar, I walked around the house and garden to see who had come. I found our friends in the garden, they were sitting on some sun loungers and laughing about something that Gus had just told them. I saw that Gus had brought Theresa along and she kept looking around, probably amazed by all the drunken people. And there were a lot of those, even though it was only 10.

The only person missing from our group of friends was TJ and I wondered if he just didn't arrive with the others or if he had decided to ditch the party after all. I couldn't prevent feeling a little bit disappointed. Ever since our 'fight' at lunch, I had only seen him in school and he didn't really talk to me then, only the most essential things.

Finally Vince looked up, grinned widely and beckoned me over. I could see from afar that he was already pretty drunk and I couldn't help but grin as well, when I sat down next to him and he kept rambling something about how he was really happy I came.

The rambling only stopped when he saw Gretchen approaching us and he got up immediately in order to pull her into his arms and press her body against his own in a firm hug. I and the others exchanged a glance before we all broke out in laughter.

Gretchen seemed to be the only one who wasn't so amused about the situation. After she and Vince sat down again, for a short moment it looked like she was blushing again, but it was gone as fast as it had appeared, so I just blamed it on the already operating alcohol in my blood.

For another hour we were just sitting around, talking and drinking a few more beers, when the patio door opened for the 100th time this evening and suddenly TJ was standing in front of us. And he wasn't alone. His left arm was wrapped around the thin waist of Ashley A who was smiling like an idiot and waving some of her friends.

Suddenly I felt like throwing up right there, all over the patio. And I knew I couldn't blame it on the alcohol.

* * *

So, that's it for now. I know, nothing too exciting happened here, but I couldn't have put everything in this chapter or it would've been way too long. Next chapter will be a little more thrilling.  
I don't know if there are any Recess-Fanfiction readers out there anymore, but if there are and they are reading this story I'd be really happy about a review


	3. A little party never killed nobody

Here comes chapter 3 :-)

* * *

The sickness was rising from my stomach up into my throat were it felt like a lump was beginning to form. TJ and Ashley A were walking right onto the patio, both looking around and smiling and saying hello to anyone who would look at them. The only thing missing for them look like one of those royal families from Great Britain was the constant waving those kings and queens were always doing. It looked ridiculous. It seemed like they felt so much better than anyone else and like everyone should admire them for being such an adorable couple.

I still felt like I was going to throw up, so I got up from the lounger and headed to the bathroom without looking at either TJ or Ashley A.

I locked the door of the small bathroom, bent over the sink and waited for my lunch to resurface. But nothing happened. I waited for another few minutes just to be sure and then sat down on the edge of the bathtub. With my face buried in my hands I tried to breathe properly, feeling like I hadn't gotten any oxygen into my lungs since the moment TJ and Ashley had appeared.

There wasn't much going on inside my head, besides the thought that running away must've looked really weird to everyone besides Gretchen. And just when I was having this thought, I heard a soft knock on the door. I opened it and Gretchen slid in, then sitting down with me again. She didn't say anything, probably because she didn't know what to say. I, myself, didn't know what to say.

I felt horrible. I think I've never felt so horrible before in my entire life. And I didn't even know why. I had known that TJ would come to the party with Ashley A. I knew that he wanted a date with her. Still, it really hurt to actually see them together - both trying to be as close as possible to the other.

"I don't know what's going on with me. I knew they'd be here together. I knew it. And yet it hit me like I didn't.", I said, my voice being nothing more than a whisper. Almost like I was afraid someone was eavesdropping on us through the door.

"I guess you just weren't prepared. And you probably still hoped he would change his mind or that he would look totally annoyed by her, like he would rather hang out with us. Like he would regret not talking to you this week. But he seemed fine, you know? He's fine without you and that's what bothers you."

If it hadn't been Gretchen to say those words, I would have hit her. But it was her and she was so goddamn right about the situation. It was like she looked right into my head and untangled all the thoughts in it. The words I couldn't untangle, because I was too afraid of the truth. TJ was actually happy with Ashley A, even though that was something I would've thought is impossible, since it hadn't even been evaluated if she was a human being at all.

"You're right." I simply say. There's nothing else I can say, because Gretchen had said it so well already. There was only one thing left for me to do and once again it felt like Gretchen had been able to read my mind.

"We gonna get drunk?"

No answer needed to that question. I nod and we both get up and leave the bathroom, only to see that a line of people had formed in front of it while we were in. They dart malignant glances at us, but we just ignore them and head for the bar.  
Besides a huge stash of beer, there's also some hard liquor and we both fill a glass with vodka and for a moment I toy with the idea of drinking it pure and down it in one, but I decide not to, because I do want to be drunk but I don't want to be one of those people that end up in the hospital at the end of the night.

After adding some orange juice to my vodka, Gretchen and I roamed around the room, just talking to some random people and the more I was drinking, the better I started to feel.

Gretchen and I were just talking to two guys, called Daniel and Isaac when Theresa approached us. She looked really worried and I started to frown, not sure if I wanted to know what had happened.  
"Sorry to interrupt, but we have a small problem.", she said and shot me an apologetic glance.

Just when I wanted to ask what the problem was, I could see it for myself. Mikey and Gus came in, both trying to carry a really drunk Vince who wasn't able to walk alone anymore.  
He kept trying to push Mikey and Gus away, but he was too weak from the alcohol to succeed. When he seemed to realize this as well, he started to scream that they should get off of him and that he was perfectly fine. Yeah, totally.

Everyone in the room had stopped doing whatever they were doing and stared at the scene in front of them, some were actually taking pictures and videos. Oh, how much I would've loved to take those phones and shove them up their asses. But I knew that helping Vince was more important.  
Gretchen and I went over to them and of course Gretchen had to go all Doctor-Grundler on them.  
"What did he drunk and how much? When did this outburst start? Has he thrown up yet? If not, we should better make him. And has someone called a cab, because I don't think walking him home would be such a great idea."

Mikey and Gus nodded in agreement. I could only imagine that it wasn't very easy to half-carry a drunken Vince all the way home.

"You guys bring him out, I will get some water and call a cab.", Gretchen mumbled, but everyone heard her and immediately followed her orders.

I wanted to follow them, but then I realized someone in particular staring at me. When I turned to him, he looked me right in the eyes. I didn't know what his expression was trying to tell me. For one second I thought he was going to come over, but then someone put his hand on his shoulder and he turned away. It was Ashley A who also looked at me for a moment, but then turned around and shoved TJ out of the patio door again. I could have sworn that there had been a triumphant smirk on her lips.

I didn't want to give that any further thought right now and went outside the house were Vince was now sitting on the sidewalk, still talking about how he was alright and wanted to go back inside, because he hadn't drunk up his bottle yet.

Mikey and Gus asked me if I could look after him for a second because they wanted to get in and get his and their own jackets. I nodded and sat down beside Vince on the cold concrete.  
A soft breeze filled the air and I started shiver a little. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my right cheek on my knees, my eyes never stopping to look at Vince, who had calmed down by now.

"What's going on, Vince? It's not like you to get shitfaced like this.", I said more to myself, since I wasn't expecting an answer from him anyway. But he seemed to have at least heard me, because he now returns my look.

"Everything sucks, you know? I mean… you know with love and all that crap. Why is love so stupid? Why am I so stupid?"

It was really hard for me to understand any of his words, but I knew that he was saying something about love and its stupidity. I could only agree with him on that.

"Girls always think that we guys don't care… you know? They say that… they say that we are not fighting for a relationship but that's not true." He shakes his head furiously as if to make a point.

"I would do anything to impress her, you know? But she doesn't even… she doesn't even care."

I was starting to get really curious about whom he might have been talking about, but I didn't want to use his helpless situation like that. He wouldn't even remember telling me all this by the time he would wake up the next morning. But he didn't seem to be finished yet.

"Girls take everything for… for granted. You should know best about that since you took him for granted as well and hahaha, look what happened. He doesn't even talk to you anymore. But I don't want that. I am not giving her up, never ever ever and never. I really love her, you know?"

To say I was shocked about his words would've been an understatement. Was he talking about the person I thought he was talking about? Before I could ask him what he meant by that, I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see it was Gretchen, telling me that the cab would be here any minute. I couldn't respond, so I just nodded, while Gus and Mikey helped Vince to stand up. Theresa tried to give him some water, but he refused.

After a few minutes the cab was there and Mikey told us that he would drive with him, since his house was closest to Vince's. We all agreed and after the two of them sat in the cab, the remaining four of us went home as well. Halfway at Gretchen's, Gus and Theresa made a left turn, when we made a right and Gus promised he'd text us, when Mikey had texted him about Vince.

The rest of our walk home was rather quiet; Gretchen and I didn't know what to say, since both of us had never seen Vince in a state like that. And I even knew the reason why. I felt like I should tell Gretchen, since she was his friend too and because she started to wonder out loud why he had been so stupid. But I decided to keep it to myself, since I wasn't sure if he would want everyone to know. Well, he probably didn't even want me to know.

Another thing was nagging on me. The part where he obviously talked about TJ and me. He said that I had taken TJ for granted and that's why he didn't bother to talk to me anymore. I was confused, really confused. When had I ever taken TJ for granted? He was my best friend, after all. Of course he had done a lot of things for me, but I had always been there for him as well.

* * *

Home at Gretchen's we went straight to bed and just when we had finally settled down I received a message from Gus saying that Mikey had brought Vince home safely and that he fell asleep immediately. I wasn't surprised about that. Even though he had been so eager on staying, I knew he would collapse into his bed. He had been so drunk and all the kicking and screaming was probably also really exhausting in the end. This thought brought in another perspective of what he had said to me. He was drunk, totally wasted and didn't even realize what he was saying most of the time. What he had said to me was most likely just something that he made up in his intoxicated state or he was mixing things up, because he couldn't remember them exactly.

I closed my eyes and suddenly I really felt like I would actually be able to sleep. What Vince had said didn't mean anything. TJ didn't think I had taken him for granted. Pff, that was ridiculous. I would call him in the morning, asking him if we could meet up and talk about everything. I would even apologize to him for everything. And maybe I would actually ask him about Ashley A, but I would decide that spontaneously.

I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I was awoken by my phone ringing right next to my ear. One look was enough to see that it was already morning and to my right Gretchen was still sound asleep.

My hand searched for the phone that wouldn't stop ringing under the pillow where I had placed it last night, probably thinking that it was a great idea to be woken up this way.

When I finally found my phone it was still ringing – man someone must've wanted to talk to me really urgent. And then it hit me – maybe it was TJ.  
I put the phone up to my ear, accepting the call without even looking at the screen to check who it was, since I was totally sure it was TJ.  
"Oh my god, TJ. Finally. I've been wanting to call you today too so that we could talk about –"

I was interrupted by a voice that did not belong to TJ at all.

"It's me, Spinelli."

It was Vince. His voice sounded horrible and I could only imagine what he must've felt like.

"Oh, hey Vince… Sorry I thought you were… whatever. What is it?" – "I need to talk to you. I'll come over at 1 ok?"

He didn't even wait for my response and instead just hung up as if it didn't matter what I had to say about it.

"What's going on?", mumbled Gretchen, her eyes slowly opening and trying to adjust to the bright light coming in through the window.

"Nothing, my mum called. She wants me home in 30 minutes and she sounded really angry so I should better get going." I felt horrible lying to her, but even if Vince hadn't said anything, I felt like this meeting was going to stay a secret between the two of us.

"Ok, but don't be mad if I don't accompany you to the door, because my head feels like it's going to explode if I make a move. I'll call you later."  
And with that she turned around and fell asleep again. A small grin crept onto my lips. Gretchen had always been the hangover kind of person.

* * *

When I was home I took a shower and while I was waiting for Vince, I couldn't stop thinking about what he wanted to talk to me about. Maybe he remembered what he had said last night and wanted to make sure I didn't tell anyone.

I didn't even hear the ringing of the doorbell and so I was really surprised when my door opened and a really distraught Vince was suddenly standing in my room.

"Um… hi?" I said while he was sitting down on the edge of my bed, his eyes resting on my face.

"Spinelli, I'm really sorry for what I said last night. I shouldn't have told you, okay? I wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

Confusion spread across my face when I heard his words. He wasn't supposed to tell me that he was in love with someone? Wasn't it up to him to decide if he wanted to tell or not?

"I don't care, really. And I won't tell anyone. Your secret's safe with me. Even though I'd die to know who the lucky girl is."

I started to grin at him, but the grin faded because this time it was him who was looking at me with a confused look on his face.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, his voice full of bewilderment over my words.

"You told me you liked someone last night. I thought that's why you came here. To make sure I didn't tell anyone."

I started to feel a disquieting feeling in my stomach. We were totally at cross purposes and I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Yeah I didn't mean to tell you about that either. But that's not what I meant."

He made a pause, as if to wait if I would interrupt him or realize what he meant. But I didn't interrupt him, even though there was a part of me that wanted to because, I wasn't sure if I was ready for what he was about to say.

"I meant the part where I basically told you that TJ was in love with you."

Remember when I said I felt like throwing up all over the patio? Yeah, _here we go again._

* * *

Who could've guessed?! Apparently not Spinelli :-P  
I'd be happy to see some reviews this time :-)


	4. Moment of truth

**Beeks1105**: Thank you so much for your review! Hope you like the new chapter :-)

**superfaller8**: Thanks for your review! Glad you liked it so far :-)

* * *

I could practically feel my heart beating against my ribcage, while I sat there, my eyes resting on Vince and observing his face for any signs of a laugh or grin. But there was nothing about his look that would've told me that he was just messing with me. He didn't say anything like "Just kidding!" or "Got'cha!". He was dead serious and obviously waiting for me to respond.

But my mouth must've lost its ability to speak because there wasn't even a single word being pronounced, even though I wanted to.

I wanted to ask him if he was actually serious. I wanted to ask him how he knew that TJ was in love with me (which I was still doubting). Why would he just drop a bomb like that and don't give any further explanation?

Vince seemed to realize that I was speechless and also seemed to understand that I didn't know what he was talking about.

"You look surprised. Please, don't tell me that… that you didn't know?"

All I could do was to shake my head slightly, but it seemed to be enough of an answer for him. His expression changed from confused to shocked within a matter of seconds. Without giving me any time to realize what he was about to do, he stood up from my bed and put his jacket on.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come here. Just forget what I said, ok? This is just one big misunderstanding. I was so drunk last night and no matter what I said then or now cannot be taken seriously. I probably still got residual alcohol in my system. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

And with that he opened the door and left the room, leaving me behind with a baffled face and unable to process what had just happened. I only realized what was happening, when I heard the front door slam shut and I knew I couldn't let him leave like that.

So I ran downstairs and out of the house, without even thinking about putting on shoes. Vince was just getting in his car and as soon as he saw me, he got even more hectic.  
But he wasn't fast enough and I tore open the passenger door and seated myself on the passenger seat.

"Get out of the car, Spinelli." Vince demanded, but of course I didn't move. I just kept staring at him. Apparently I had received my ability to talk back because suddenly balled up words were coming from my mouth.

"You can't just leave… like that. What you just told me… what you said about TJ… about TJ being… you know. You told me… and what does that even mean? Were you serious?"

Vince's face showed me that he wasn't very pleased with the situation, but he also knew that he couldn't just kick me out of the car and that I would never just let it go.

"You can't tell TJ what I just told you. He made me swear to never tell anyone."

"When did he tell you anyways?" I interrupted. So many questions had been boiling up in my head in the past few minutes and I desperately needed the answers to all of them.

"It's been two years since he told me. He didn't want to, but I kinda forced him into spilling. I had already suspected so it wasn't that big of a surprise. He was so angry at me because I had made him tell me and then I had to swear to keep it a secret. He was just scared you'd find out and that it would ruin your friendship."

He really looked sorry. He was probably feeling horrible because he had just spilled his best friend's secret but I couldn't really pity him in that moment, because I was just too outraged about everything that had just happened.

All of a sudden I remembered something that Vince had said to me last night. And even though there were much more questions nagging for answers, I had to know the answer to one specific question even more urgent.

"Last night… you said that I took TJ for granted. Why'd you say that? What made you think that… and is that also what he thinks?"

I wasn't so sure if I wanted to know the answer to that last part of the question. But probably I had to know in order to save TJ's and my friendship.

"I don't know, really. I just… after he told me and he made me promise not to tell anyone I said to him that I always thought the two of you would end up together sooner or later. He was so happy to hear that. Before he was devastated because he thought he'd never have a chance and that he'd always have to keep his feelings a secret if he didn't want to destroy your friendship. But I finally gave him some hope. He tried hard to make you realize what he felt for you. He bought you flowers every time you failed a test or had a fight with your parents. He kept inviting you to the movies or to dinner, but you usually just invited all the others as well. He was the one who stood up for you when everyone was spreading these rumours about you, back in middle school. Even though afterwards everyone was talking about him instead. He was there for you for days when Lawson broke your heart and when you got back with him you yelled at TJ in front of everyone at school, because he said that it was a bad idea to get back with him. And he was hurting a lot back then, because of you and Lawson. But he just brushed it off and wanted to be a good friend to you. He would've done everything for you. And you treated him like he was just another friend of yours. One that was only good enough when you needed him."

I didn't realize I was crying until I tasted something salty on my lips. Somewhere in between Vince's rant tears had started to fall from my eyes and now that I had realized I didn't care about wiping them off. I just sat there, stared at Vince and let the tears flow down my cheeks. I didn't even make a sound.

After what felt like an eternity, Vince moved a little closer to me and tried to put his arm around my shoulders in order to pull me into a supposedly comforting hug. But after what he had just told me, I didn't feel like I deserved to be comforted. Instead I pushed Vince back, shook my head, opened the door of the car and looked back at Vince one last time.

"Thanks for telling me.", was all I got out, before I turned away and made my way back to the house.

I barely heard my mother asking me if I was ok, when I passed her by and went upstairs into my room. It wasn't fair of me to ignore her like that, but I couldn't help it. She would've never stopped asking, once she realized that something was actually wrong. So I just locked the door and threw myself onto my bed, my face buried deep in my pillows.

The next 18 hours felt more like 18 seconds and when it was Monday morning and the sunlight was starting to lighten my room, I wished I could've just laid there forever. But my mother was already knocking on my door and informed me that breakfast was ready. Not that I could've eaten anything anyways.

The rest of Sunday I had only moved out of my bed if it had been totally necessary. My mother had been nice enough to bring me dinner to my room and to my surprise, didn't even ask what was wrong. Maybe she had understood that I didn't want to talk about it.

But that had obviously changed. When I had finally been able to lift myself out of bed and then downstairs, she was already sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for me to join her.  
"Sit down, Ashley. I think we need to talk."

I knew I should've never left my bed.

After I sat down, she waited for me to start eating, but I wasn't sure if I could hold anything down this morning. Just the thought of going to school made me want to throw up.

When she realized I wasn't going to touch anything edible, she sighed heavily and then examined me with a concerned expression.

"Ashley, honey. What's going on? You know you can talk to me, right?"

Of course I knew. But that didn't ultimately mean I wanted to.

"I know. But I really don't feel like talking about it, ok?" – "I just want to help you." – "Well, I don't need your help. I'm not a ten year old girl anymore, which needs advice from her mother on how to live her life right. I make my own decisions now and I want you to respect that. I gotta go take a shower, otherwise I'll be late for school."

Without waiting for an answer, I got up and went to make myself ready. I knew that I had been a little bit rude, especially since my mother hadn't even done anything wrong. She was just worried.

I pushed aside any thoughts about feeling guilty about being rude to my mum, because I had already enough feelings of guilt on my account that I had to deal with.  
And I really had tried to deal with it. There hadn't been anything else that I thought about when I was spending the majority of my weekend in bed. All my thoughts were concerning TJ and what Vince had told me. The most present thought in my head was definitely "He is right." Vince was right about everything he had said, none of those things he had said had been an exaggeration. I had been taking TJ for granted and I hadn't realized until it was too late.

* * *

Since I was sure that TJ wouldn't pick me up this morning, I left a few minutes earlier than usual because I had to walk all the way to school. At least that gave me more time to think about how I would react when I saw him in school that day.  
Finally I came to the conclusion that I should wait for his reaction and then just go with whatever he would do. If he decided to ignore me, I'd probably just ignore him as well.

When I finally arrived and was standing at my locker, I sort of hoped that everyone would just leave me alone, but of course I wasn't granted solitude. Gretchen appeared next to me, a wide smile on her lips.

"Hey Spin. Why didn't you return any of my calls? I wanted to hang out yesterday, but you didn't respond. Are you alright? You look sick."

I tried my best to return her smile, but I knew that she wouldn't buy it anyway.

"I'm just feeling a little bit tired, that's all. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

She was eyeing me suspiciously but didn't get the chance to express her suspicion, because Vince was just arriving right next to her and she totally seemed to forget what we had just been talking about.

"Hey Vince.", she said with a giggly smile appearing on her face. He just nodded in her direction and then glanced at me.

"Can we talk?", he asked and it almost seemed like he wouldn't accept no for an answer anyway. But I really didn't want him to make me feel even worse and so I shook my head no.

"Sorry, but I can't. Gotta get to class."

And with that I turned around and left the two of them alone, Gretchen looking confused because she didn't know what was going on and Vince looking angry because I had turned him down like that. He'd get over it.

* * *

Since I had left way before the bell had rung, I was at my classroom early and luckily my teacher was there already, so I could sit down. I was glad to have a few moments of silence for myself until all the others were arriving. I had decided that I would just try and distract myself from everything else by actually trying to pay attention and maybe even make some notes.

But of course fate wasn't on my side, because a few minutes after class had started, the door opened again and someone slid in quietly. I recognized him immediately. The brown hair, red baseball cap that was sitting backwards on his head, the letterman jacket with his name printed on the back and needless to say – his trademark smirk resting on his lips.

"Sorry Mr. Smith, but I just transferred into this class."

He handed Mr. Smith a sheet of paper and he looked it over for a few moments, before he gestured TJ to sit down somewhere.

TJ turned to the class and when his gaze fell on me, he hesitated. But he seemed to rally and walked to the back of the classroom to sit down next to one of his teammates from football.

I actually thought I'd get through that class without any further incidents, but Mr. Smith seemed to have different plans for me. After almost 90 minutes of lecture about Russian history, he explained to us, that we would have to do a project about a topic of our choice and we'd have to hand it in by the end of the month _and_ we had to do it with a partner. I was already exchanging smiles with the girl sitting next to me. Her name was Spencer and I liked her, plus she was really good in this class so she'd probably help me get a good grade.  
But just like that, Mr. Smith jumbled all my plans.

"I got a sheet right here which will tell you whom you'll be working with. Take a look at it when you leave and remember to let me know which topic you want to be working on."

Just in that moment the bell rang and everyone got up immediately in order to see who they've been paired up with. After most of the people had left, I got up too and took a look at the paper that Mr. Smith had pinned up to the wall. My eyes were searching for my name until I finally found it somewhere on the bottom of the sheet. "Ashley Spinelli and TJ Detweiler."

I never believed in karma until that very moment. But I wasn't able to explain it else. Because of all people I could've been paired up with it had to be TJ Detweiler. My (former) best friend, the guy I'm in love with and also the guy whose heart I broke without even realizing it.

Suddenly I heard a way too familiar voice right next to me.

"Guess we're partners then."

* * *

And that was chapter 4 :-) Reviews are welcome, of course :-P


	5. You can't always get what you want

**Big Cliffy Meanie1**: Oh my god, three reviews in a row. I feel honored ;) I'm really trying to make Spinellis character realistic. I want her to be like in the cartoons, but of course a little more mature. Otherwise she would just run around and beat up everyone, haha. Well, maybe she will. Ashley A is really starting to getting on my nerves. You'll see why in the chapter! Hope you like this chapter :-)

**superfaller8**: Glad you liked the last one. Tbh I like this one a lot myself, so I hope you'll agree with me on that :-)

**scorpiogrl576**: Thank you so much for your nice review. I always feel like my writing skills are just mediocre, but people like you always build my confidence. I hope you enjoy the new chapter :-)

**RecezZ**: Tadaaaa, update! Haha. I hope you like this chapter just as much as the rest of the fic :-)

* * *

I needed more time. Time to think about what I was going to do. There weren't many options. 1. run away – not the best one but whatever. 2. act like I didn't hear anything and just keep staring at the list in front of me – not exactly better. 3. just turn around and answer him – probably the best one, but I couldn't even get myself to pronounce a single word.

Yet, I knew that I had to say something and so I turned around and looked him right into his beautiful brown eyes. Yeah, not that great of an idea either.

I could feel my knees start to tremble and my head was suddenly empty. I was just staring at him as if I had never seen him before in my entire life. And he seemed to notice since is expression went from neutral to puzzled.

"Are you ok?", he asked and for a second I actually thought that it sounded like he was genuinely concerned if I was alright but I knew I must've imagined it.

Fortunately my brain started to work again and I was finally able to actually form words with my mouth.

"Sure… sorry, I got lost in my thoughts. So yes, I guess we're partners." Before I could've stopped myself, I let out a really awkward laugh.

TJ frowned but didn't seem like he wanted to deepen the topic.

"If you want to you can come over tomorrow and we can plan our project. We could meet up right after school because I'm busy in the evening."

I was pretty sure that "being busy" was a code for the fact that he had a date with his amazing girlfriend, but for some reason he didn't want to mention it. Maybe because he didn't want to give us a reason to start fighting again. And to be quite honest I was really grateful for his decision, because I wasn't sure if I could've handled it.

"Ok, sure. I bet your mum's gonna be really happy to see me again."

Damn, me and my stupid mouth. I mean, what I said was true, since I knew that his mother loved me but I shouldn't have mentioned it anyway. It probably sounded to him like I wanted to suggest that I should come over more often again.

To my surprise he started to grin widely.

"Definitely. She keeps asking me when you're coming over again and that I should invite you for dinner. It's getting really annoying but well, she's always been like that, right?"

I realized that he was actually making conversation with me and so I just had to take the chance. This was the most we had talked in over a week and I had almost forgotten how good it felt to be around him and just talk about random stuff.

"Oh yes. Do you remember that one time when we had this huge fight in 5th grade? You told me I was starting to act like a girl and I stopped talking to you for a week or so? She called me after two days and asked me to come over so that the two of us could make up or something. She was so heartbroken when I told her I didn't want to see you ever again."

TJ's grin became a hearty laugh as he remembered that incident. It had been so weird to talk to his mum on the phone and I still remembered how embarrassed he had been after I told him about it, after we finally started talking again.

"Sometimes it felt like she wanted us to be friends even more than we did. If that was even possible."

When I heard that sentence, my lips started to form a beatific smile. The way he talked about our friendship made it seem like he didn't hate me as much as I thought he would. Maybe he had been mad at me, but there was still a huge part of him that wanted to save this friendship.

Just when I wanted to answer, someone else came into the room and within a heartbeat the atmosphere changed from comfortable to tense.  
No less a person than Ashley A had come to see where her favourite boy had been hiding, to say it with her words.

Only now TJ seemed to realize whom he had been talking to and more important what we had been talking about and his whole demeanour changed immediately. He stopped looking at me and turned to Ashley A to give her an apologetic look and afterwards a kiss that seemed a little too intense. But she didn't seem to mind because she started to giggle like a 15 year old teenager and then took his hand, her eyes now resting on me and observing me with a critical look.

"What have you been doing with _her_?", she asked TJ, not even _trying_ to hide the condescending tone in her voice.

"We're project partners so we had to make an appointment. But I just wanted to leave anyway, so let's go."

And that was how Ashley A ruined the possibility of a really nice conversation between the two of us. Oh god, how much I hated her. I actually thought about going after them and just pull her by her bottle-blond hair and rip them all out in an instant.

But luckily I was able to contain my feelings of unnatural loathing towards her and made my way to my locker were Gretchen was already waiting for me.

* * *

For the next 24 hours I felt like I was hyped up. I couldn't sit still or even think straight for a second. I didn't know what to think about going to TJ's after school and while one part of me was really looking forward to being alone with him again, another part of me was considering not going at all, because I wasn't sure how he would act.

But of course I went, in the end we still had to get that project done and procrastinating wouldn't make it go away. So I left my house and passed the few houses that separated mine from TJ's. When we were younger being almost neighbours was the best thing ever. We would sneak out at night and climb through each other's window when our parents had grounded us or just didn't want us to go out anymore. I was sure they knew about our late-night escapes but they probably knew they couldn't stop us so they just let us do what we wanted.

The older we got, the less we climbed through each other's window. We would rather call each other and just meet somewhere outside.

For a second I thought about climbing through TJ's window, just to revive some childhood memories, but I wasn't sure if TJ would find it just as great of an idea.

So instead I rang the doorbell like any other normal person would do and of course it was TJ's mum who opened the door. She let out an excited cry and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Oh Spinelli, how great to see you. It's been a while now since you've last come over. I asked TJ if I should invite you for dinner sometimes, but he just said that you guys weren't so close anymore. But now you're here and wow, you look so pretty. Like a real lady I might add."  
She gave me a wink and before I could answer, TJ stepped in and gave his mum an irritated look.

"Can you calm down, mum?", he asked obviously annoyed by his mother's behaviour.

I actually thought it was kinda cute that she was so happy to see me. I had always liked TJ's mum, probably because I spent half of my childhood in this house. But I didn't say anything, because I was sure TJ wouldn't approve if I encouraged his mum, so I just smiled at her and mumbled something like "Nice to see you too, Mrs. Detweiler."

Before she could start a rant about how I shouldn't call her "Mrs. Detweiler" but by her first name, TJ pulled me upstairs into his bedroom.

Everything was just like always. The only difference was that next to the photograph of our group from 8th grade, there was another one showing Ashley A and TJ. They were kissing and it looked like it was right after a football game, because TJ was wearing his football gear and Ashley A was wearing her cheerleading uniform. Not that this fact meant anything since it felt like the cheerleaders were barely wearing anything else.

TJ caught me staring at it and it felt like he was not really comfortable with the picture standing there.

"Ashley gave it to me and insisted I put it on my nightstand.", he said and I wasn't sure why he had said anything at all. He didn't have to defend himself for having a picture of himself and his girlfriend in his room. He seemed to realize his mistake as well and tried to change the subject quickly.

"Ok, so let's get this over with. Do you have any ideas for the project?", he asked while he sat down on his bed. I felt like sitting next to him, but then I stopped myself thinking that it would be weird to sit next to him… on his bed. So I just sat down on the floor and shrugged as an answer to his question. I really hadn't given the project much thought, because I had been to busy to worry about coming to his house.

He probably wanted to look like he was thinking about the project, but it felt more like his thoughts were somewhere else. He was probably thinking about his date with Ashley A later and how much he wanted me to leave so that he could meet with her.

That thought really hurt. Usually we never put anything above our friendship, no one was more important than the other, not even Gretchen and the rest. We had always been the closest and no one ever questioned that. And now we were sitting in his room, both unsure what to say, because we both didn't want to say anything wrong. Normally we would talk about whatever came to our minds because we were never afraid to say anything out loud when we were around each other. There hadn't been any secrets between us. Well, besides the fact that he had been in love with me and that I didn't realize it.

I really wanted to ask him about it. Or at least wanted to hear _him_ say it. I believed Vince, he didn't have any reason to lie to me about something so huge, but it still felt unreal. Not that it mattered much, because he obviously moved on already. But had he really? He had been so weird yesterday when Ashley A came in. He seemed to try too hard to look like they were in love. And just because he was with her now, didn't mean that he didn't have any feelings for me, right? Or maybe that was just me trying to make myself feel better about the situation.

Even though I knew it was risky to talk to him about Ashley A, I knew that I had to in order to get clarification about everything. I wouldn't tell him what Vince had told me because I knew he'd be mad at Vince, but there was one thing I could ask without backstabbing Vince.

"Do you love her?"

The question sounded so dumb and as soon as I had pronounced it, I wanted to take it back.

TJ seemed to know immediately what or rather _who_ I was talking about, but he still took his time to give me an answer. Maybe he enjoyed to see me so helpless.

"Yes."

Every piece of hope that I had gathered in the past hours, escaped from my grasp within the blink of an eye. I searched his face for any signs that he was not telling the truth, but there was nothing. Nothing but pure honesty.

How could I have made myself believe that he didn't love her and that he was still in love with me? It had only been my imagination running riot. And I felt like such an idiot, it was unbearable for me to even look him in the eyes anymore.

"Why'd you ask?"

Great question. Why did I ask? Did I like getting my feelings hurt; was I some kind of masochist? I didn't know the real answer, but I wouldn't have given it to him anyway.

I couldn't let him see how much this actually affected me. And not just because I was too proud but also because of what Vince had told me. I had taken TJ for granted. He had done so much for me, he had been there for me even when I had been with Lawson and TJ had loved me. If he could make that kind of sacrifice, why couldn't I?

So I put on a small grin and shrugged.

"I'm just curious. It's nice to see that the two of you are actually happy together. I never expected it that is for sure. But I'm your best friend, right? If you're happy, I'm happy."

I was surprised that I actually meant what I had just said. And TJ didn't seem to be any less surprised. Well no, he looked rather shocked than just surprised. He hadn't expected an answer like that.

TJ needed a minute to realize what just had happened and even then he still seemed confused, but he was at least able to answer.

"I'm… I'm glad to hear that. I thought you'd just keep on going to hate me forever, to be honest." – "Actually that had been my first plan, but I knew that would've been childish so I decided to be a little more mature and accept that you and Ashley A are happy. Even though that doesn't mean I like her, are we clear? I'm not hanging out with her everyday and I'm definitely not going shopping with her."

I grinned, but I was still serious about it. No one could ever bring me to go shopping with Ashley A. I'd rather kill myself than putting myself in that kind of pain.  
TJ still seemed baffled, but I just thought that he needed some time to come to terms with what I had said.

"Ok, you still seem to be processing everything. I think I'll leave now, I know that you and Ashley have a date so I don't want to be the reason you're late. Maybe you can text me later when you're home."

I got up from the floor and while I was just adjusting my clothes, TJ came up to me and put his arms around me. For a moment I was confused, but then I just smiled, buried my face in his shoulder and put my arms around him as well. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt this good.

"I'm sorry about everything, Spin.", he murmured into my ear, before he let go of me again.

I didn't answer, but only gave him a slight smile and then went for the door. Before I left his room, I turned around a last time, still smiling.

"Glad to have my best friend back."

And I realized that it was the truth. Even though my feelings for him had changed and he didn't return those feelings, there was nothing more important for me than having him in my life.

If I had known then what I know today, I wouldn't have felt so relieved but since I wasn't a fortuneteller I was almost _one hundred percent_ sure that everything would finally be alright.

* * *

So that was the new chapter. Who would've seen that coming? Spinelli actually trying to act all mature about the situation. Buuuut of course this is no guarantee that everyone will stay just as happy ;)

Reviews are always welcome! :-)

Next chapter will probably be up on Sunday, because I'm having finals at the end of this week so I won't have much time to write. :-/


	6. Heads will roll

**scorpiogrl576**: I can totally understand that you don't want to get TJ away so easily, but it's not always what it seems, you know? ;) Just wait a little and you'll see why he's acting like he does. I think this chapter actually already gives you a hint ;)

**RecezZ**: I'm really trying to update as frequently as possible! And since I'm done with my finals now, I got even more time! :-)

**Cowabonga**: Thank you so much! I was really unsure if I got Spinelli's character right. In all my former stories I wrote from a guy's P.O.V. so this was kinda new territory to me. But I'm glad I didn't do that bad of a job :P

**Beeks1105**: Thank you so much for your review!

**Big Cliffy Meanie1**: Yay! A new recess story! I can't wait for you to upload it. I'm gonna check every 5 minutes from now on, haha ;) Well well well, TJ says he loves Ashley A, but does he? There are still some things we don't know. ;) I hope you like the new chapter!

I didn't exactly have time to re-read this one, so if you find any mistakes... you can keep them :P

* * *

A few weeks had passed, since TJ and I finally made up and it really felt like any of this never happened. It was almost like a fresh start. Well, not totally since TJ was still with Ashley and I had to admit, that there were still some moments, when I wasn't exactly trying to hide my hatred towards her. But did she really have to be so annoying? Couldn't she at least try not to be such a superficial bitch all the time? And all that stupid giggling was really getting on my nerves.

Still I tried to be as polite as possible and whenever she would sit with us at lunch at school I tried to make reasonable conversation with her. Of course the only thing she was talking about was fashion and shopping and how amazing her date with TJ had been.

I knew I wasn't the only one to be utterly irritated by her, because ever since she'd started to sit with us regularly (which started right after TJ and I had stopped fighting) everyone at our table seemed to avoid being at the table longer than necessary.

Vince would usually make up an excuse to sit with his football teammates, Gretchen was always burying her nose in a book, Gus and Theresa were trying to talk to ignore Ashley by just talking to each other about their plans for the weekend. And Mikey was being Mikey, always trying to be nice to Ashley but needless to say that it didn't really work because she was _so _annoying that even Mikey gave up after two days only and left the table early because he had to "study his lines" for the school play.

And then there was TJ. I wasn't sure what exactly he was doing. Sometimes it actually seemed like he was about to tell Ashley to shut up and I was more than just 100% sure that I saw him roll his eyes while Ashley was telling one of her boring stories about how she didn't know if she should by the shoes in black or grey.  
But then it would be over and he would be enthusiastic about everything she said. Like every word coming from her mouth was made of gold.

It was weird, but I didn't question it because I didn't want to start an argument. I was just way too happy that TJ and I were getting along again to ruin all of it just because I was confused about his behaviour towards his girlfriend. I was probably just imagining it anyway.

But I wasn't the only one realizing what was going on, because one day in school Ashley A was dragged away by the other Ashleys. Apparently there had been a fashion emergency. Whatever that meant. I didn't bother because we could finally enjoy our lunch in peace for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

It was right after the Ashleys had left the cafeteria that Vince blurted out what all of us had been thinking but didn't want to say out loud. We had all been glad that (almost) everything had returned to normal and that we had started to hang out as a gang again. But there was Vince, staring at TJ in complete disbelief, asking him "How the fuck he was able to be around Ashley so much without strangling her."

I glanced at TJ and one look was enough to see that he wasn't happy with what Vince had asked him. I sighed to myself, being fully aware that this would definitely end up in a fight. Everyone else was trying to avoid looking at either of them. Gretchen stared furiously at her book, like she was trying to create holes with her eyes. Gus and Theresa looked down at their food like it was the most amazing thing they had ever witnessed and Mikey got up from the table, announcing that he had forgotten that he had to help build the stage scenery. And I was just sitting there, trying to say something to stop them but some part of me didn't want to. Maybe because I wanted to know the answer just as much as Vince did.

"What's your problem, Vince?", TJ asked, the look on his face revealing that he was getting mad.

"_She_ is my problem. She keeps talking and talking and never even stops for a second. And if that wasn't bad enough, she only talks about the most unessential matters. Don't you even realize how stupid she sounds when she's talking about the consistency of winter coats? Because everyone else at this table does."

Vince looked at us one by one, as if he wanted us to support him on this. His glance rested on me and I quickly looked at my hands because I didn't want to be dragged into this. I knew it wasn't fair to leave him alone like this, but Vince shouldn't have started it in the first place.

"I think the only one having a problem is you, Vince. And I don't think it has much to do with Ashley, but with the fact that you are jealous of my relationship."

Vince let out an artificial laugh before he answered.

"Yes, because I always wanted a relationship with someone who had his last brilliant idea last year, which died of loneliness."

I tried really hard not to laugh, so I pursed my lips and continued to stare at my hands.  
Apparently Gretchen had given up on staying out of the argument, because I could hear her trying to calm them down. It was useless, of course. TJ had just gotten angrier and it didn't seem like Vince was about to stop anytime soon.

"I think you are jealous because I _did_ get the girl I wanted, while you've been too scared to tell the girl that you've liked for a year now, that you have feelings for her."

And with these words, TJ seemed to have won. I looked up and saw Vince staring at TJ with his mouth open, unable to respond anymore.  
I couldn't say that I wasn't surprised; because of course I knew that Vince had liked someone, but I had thought that I had been the only one. I guessed that Vince must've told TJ him after TJ and I had made up.

A few more seconds passed and Vince seemed to ponder if he should say anything else, but he decided against it and left the table and also the cafeteria.  
An uncomfortable silence emerged and only broke, when I finally dared to speak up.

"Don't you think that was a little harsh?", I asked cautiously, because I wasn't sure if TJ would be mad at me as well.

I was lucky. TJ just shrugged and then excused himself from the table as well. Gretchen and I exchanged a glance and it looked like she wanted me to go after him. I sighed but knew that I needed to go after him. In the end I was his best friend and even though I thought that he had been an asshole, I should be there for him.

So I ran after him and caught up with him before he could leave the school building.

"TJ, wait!", I exclaimed when he had already opened the front door. He turned around and I saw that he had on the one hand already been aware that I would follow him and on the other hand seemed to be unhappy about the fact that I actually had.

"What?", he asked and it sounded like he wanted to get this over with as fast as possible. But I wouldn't just let him go like that.

"I know that what Vince said might've sounded a little… rude. But TJ… he was sort of right in there. I don't want to fight with you again because of Ashley, but I'm also supposed to be honest with you. We don't exactly like her and we're trying our best to hide it, but she doesn't make it easy for us."

The expected outburst didn't happen and instead he just sighed and looked down at his feet. Sort of like he felt guilty.

"I know. But I just thought that Vince would be… that he would… understand."

I raised my eyebrows and casted him a confused glance, which he couldn't see because he was still trying to avoid looking at me.

"Understand what?"

He finally looked up and right into my eyes. For a second I had trouble breathing properly, but I told myself that this wasn't the right moment to fangirl over how adorable he looked with his sad puppy face.  
He didn't answer right away, but kept looking at me for a few more moments. Then he seemed to come back to reality, shook his head a little and then shrugged again.

"Nothing. I'm just … not making sense right now, sorry. I'll just head home and lay down for a while. I'll call you later, alright?"

He smiled at me, but I could see that it didn't reach his eyes at all. Then he turned around and went for the parking lot to drive home.

Another deep sigh escaped my lips and I went back to the cafeteria. But before I could reach it, the bell rang to indicate that lunch was over. The hallways started to fill with students very fast and I decided to get my stuff from my locker and then go home early as well. I could feel a strong headache coming and I didn't feel like talking to people right now.

* * *

The next week was horrible. TJ and Vince avoided being in the same room longer than necessary and Vince started to trade sitting with us at lunch for sitting with his football teammates entirely.

Ashley A was getting more annoying (which I didn't think was even possible, but there she was – talking more in a minute than a normal human being would speak in a whole week) and TJ was even more in love with her than before. Almost like he had to prove a point.  
Everyone else was just acting like nothing was wrong and I decided to go with it, because it seemed like the easiest thing to do.

The call that TJ had promised me never happened and he didn't call any other day of the following week. He talked to me in school but it felt like someone forced him to do it. I didn't know what I had done wrong but hoped that whatever it was, that made him act like this would be over soon. Gretchen suggested that I asked him, but I was afraid he'd be even more pissed off. If he even was pissed off.

Everything went "well" for almost a week. Until the first football game of the season was ahead and I could already feel that something would go terribly wrong when I woke up on the morning of the game.

This feeling vanished, when I looked at my phone and had a message from TJ. It said "Sorry for not really talking to you in the past few days. Was kinda distracted because of the game and all. See you tonight?"

I was grinning like an idiot when I send the reply and even when I went down for breakfast. My dad was just leaving and just waved me goodbye, as I sat down at the kitchen table.  
Of course my mother didn't miss my heavy grin and she started to eye me suspiciously.  
"A few weeks ago you were a total mess and now you're wearing this lovey-dovey grin. Is there something that I need to know, Ashley?"  
She had started to grin as well and I knew what she wanted to hear. I immediately stopped grinning and shot her a displeased look. She seemed to understand what I meant with that and she didn't stop grinning, but put her hands up in defence and left me alone at the table. I knew she would ask me again another time, but right now I didn't want her to ruin my good mood by asking me weird questions.

In school everyone was excited for the first game of the season. No one was particularly paying much attention in class and the fact that it was Friday didn't exactly help the teachers to keep their classes quiet.

The cheerleaders were already warming themselves up for tonight by running through the school and cheering whenever one of the football players was passing them by. They would also randomly burst out into choreography in the middle of the hallway, blocking the passage for several minutes.

It was ridiculous, in my opinion but it was their "job" to cheer the football team and they were actually doing a pretty good job, even though I hated to admit it. By the end of the school day the whole student body was psyched up.

Of course Ashley A was cheering especially loud whenever she would see TJ. She would run towards him and jump into his arms. I sort of wished for her to just trip over her own feet and break a leg or at least sprain her ankle. But luck wasn't on my side.

In the evening Gretchen and I walked towards the football field and a lot of people were already standing or sitting on the bleachers, cheering loudly and celebrating our team that was already on the field, warming up for the game.

Gretchen and I searched for our friends among the crowd and found them somewhere in the middle. Just when Gretchen wanted to go in their direction, I stopped her and told her that I wanted to see TJ before the game started, to wish him luck. This had been one of our many traditions ever since TJ started to play football. I knew that Ashley would probably be there too, but I could live with that. Hopefully.

The guys from the football team were preparing themselves for the game, by warming themselves up or going through some strategies with their coach. I found TJ (of course as far away from Vince as possible) standing with some other guys whose name I didn't know. I felt kind of misplaced between all these huge and muscular guys, but I just ignored it. TJ turned around and saw me, his face lightening up immediately. It seemed like he hadn't forgotten our tradition either.

He pulled me into a hug and for the second time on this day, I started to grin like an idiot.

"I just wanted to stop by and wish you luck. Not that you are in dire need for luck. I know you'll be great.", I said when he let go of me and a broad grin appeared on his face.

"Thank you. Everyone's kinda nervous, because or opponents are supposed to be really good." – "So what? You guys are better."

His grin widened and he pulled me in for another hug. Damn, how good that felt.

"TJ? There you are! I've been searching you for more than 10 minutes now."

Her strident voice assailed my ears. I rolled my eyes, of course making sure that TJ wouldn't see it.

Ashley A approached us, some of the other cheerleaders were waiting a few metres behind her, while she planted a kiss on TJ's lips.

"I just wanted to remind you that we're going to Ashley B's party afterwards, so please make sure that you guys win so we got something to celebrate."

Surprisingly I was invited to the party as well. I was pretty sure it was, because Ashley A had told Ashley B to invite me, because she wanted to seem like the nice girlfriend who invited her boyfriend's best friend. Not that I could've been bothered any less but when I told Gretchen about it, she said that we should go and that I should just bring her as my plus one and we could just make fun of all the drunken people at the party. In the end she had been able to win me around and we decided to go right after the game.

"I'll see you later, TJ.", I said, because meanwhile Ashley A had started to talk about she thought that he looked to hot in his football gear and I was afraid I was going to slap her.

I went back to Gretchen and the others and only a few minutes later the game finally started.

I wasn't surprised, when the game was over and our team had won by far. The mood was great and even I was feeling really excited about everything. I was even looking forward to the party.

Gretchen and I said goodbye to the others and then got into Gretchen's car to drive to Ashley B's house, where the party would take place.

* * *

A lot of people where already there and I was sure there were more to come. In the backyard there was a huge swimming pool and some semi-drunk people were already taking off their clothes and jumping in.

When the football team arrived, everyone went delirious. It was so surreal, but fun to watch how everyone wanted to shake hands with them or patting them on the shoulder.

I could see TJ, his arm resting around the waist of Ashley A, just like it had back then at the last party when I had seen them together for the first time. I could feel the same stinging pain in my stomach, but tried not think about it, since I didn't want my mood to be ruined by that.

The party went on and everyone kept on drinking. I had a few drinks as well, but not enough to feel any real effect. Gretchen didn't drink because she said she didn't feel like it anyway and that she could drive us home if she didn't.

It was far past midnight, when I saw TJ again, sitting on a couch in the living room of Ashley B's house and Ashley A sitting on his lap. They were talking to some other kids from school, among them some of the other football players as well. One of them was Vince, but he didn't seem like he wanted to be there and he didn't seemed to be too entertained by the other's conversation. Instead he kept shooting TJ and Ashley cross looks.

I approached them and sat down next to Vince. He smiled at me for a moment and then kept on doing what he had been doing before: staring at TJ and Ashley.

"Staring at them won't make them go away, Vince.", I said, smiling lightly and putting a hand on his shoulder, but he just ignored me. I was pretty sure that he had been drinking. A lot.

I started to follow their conversation, but didn't really feel like participating in it. A few times TJ smiled at me and every time I could feel my heart beating faster.

The ordinary conversation made a sudden turn, when someone asked Ashley A how long she and TJ had been together now, because before she could answer, Vince interrupted her.

"I don't think she can answer you that question, because she can't count that high."

Suddenly everyone around us went quiet and I could hear a quiet gasp coming from the other Ashleys.

I was having huge troubles to not burst out in laughter, but the fact that TJ suddenly shoved Ashley A from his lap and got up, helped me a lot. He was staring at Vince, who was now getting up as well and the look on his face revealed that this was not going to end well for either of them.

"You wanna say that again?", he asked, his voice quiet, but the anger in it couldn't be overheard.

"With pleasure. I said that your girlfriend is so stupid that she probably can't even count until 5. But I don't blame her. Everyone who has the brain size of a pea would have trouble counting."

I looked at Ashley A, who had crossed her arms and was staring at Vince in disbelief. TJ on the other hand was getting even angrier.

"We all know that this is just your jealousy talking, so-" Vince interrupted again.

"Oh shut up, TJ. I'm definitely not jealous of you. Why would I? Because you found the most stupid girl in human history and made her your girlfriend? That's nothing I'd be jealous of. And please, don't start again with that story about me not telling the girl_ I_ like about my feelings. Let's rather talk about the girl that _you_ liked ever since middle school and didn't have the guts to tell her. And no everyone, I'm not talking about Ashley _A_ here."

Vince sneered and looked around the crowd that had gathered in the meanwhile. Everyone wanted to see how this argument was going to turn out and I guess some of them actually hoped it would come to a physical fight.

I would've actually been worried, but Vince's last words had shocked me too much. If he was talking about what I thought he was, I had to make him shut up right now. But I knew I couldn't just pull him away or anything.

I looked around helplessly until I realized that someone else was looking at me. TJ's eyes were, once again, fixated on mine. Suddenly I started to feel dizzy and I knew it wasn't an effect of the alcohol.

"Ok guys, that's it. Vince, we're leaving now. An you guys can all leave now too, because the show is over."

Gretchen had stepped in and was now pulling Vince away from the scene to the great displeasure of everyone who had wanted to see a fight. But apparently Vince hadn't been done yet and he turned around a last time.

"You know, I think I understand why you're going out with Ashley A now. Because you finally realized that you don't deserve _her_ anyway and that she would never ever go out with you."

And that was the last straw. Before anyone could've stopped him, TJ shoot out and tackled Vince to the ground.

_Shit._

* * *

Oh well! Kind of a cliffhanger, but this chapter was getting so long and I thought this was a perfect ending, haha. Hope you guys liked it :)  
Since I'm done with my finals, I'll have a lot more time again so I can upload faster. Buuuuut only if you guys keep sending in your lovely reviews. I'm always so happy to read your nice words. Really makes me believe in myself and this story. So thank you guys A LOT! :-))


	7. I want it that way

RecezZ: Sorry about the cliffhanger! This one doesn't exactly have a cliffhanger... but the ending is still very... well let's say unpleasant :-P But see for yourself!

VinoMamba24: Thank you so much for your great review. Made me smile soooooo much! :-)

Ok it's like past midnight over here and I wrote this in the past two hours because I really wanted to get this chapter done. Was a lot of work because I was really struggeling with the question where I want to go on from here. But I think I got a rough idea of how this will develop in the next few chapters and I already got the ending of this fic prepared. But I don't know how many more chapters there will be... I usually get my 'inspiration' during writing and so who knows what's gonna happen next ;-) But I won't be dragging this on longer than necessary. I don't want to ruin a good storyline just because I want to keep writing. That would be a shame!

So I hope you guys like this chapter :-)

* * *

You know these moments, when it feels like your whole body doesn't function properly anymore and no matter how hard you want to move, how badly your head tells you to just _do something, _you just can't? I felt just like that, right after TJ had attacked Vince and even when they were starting to get into a real fist fight with each other, I couldn't do anything else but watch them.

Of course I knew that I had to do something; that I should've tried to stop them. In my head there was this unmistakable voice screaming at me that I had to intervene. Yet, none of my muscles would respond. I was just standing there amongst the cheering crowd and all I could do was staring at them blankly.

Luckily some other people were able to stop them, because from all I could see Vince and TJ both didn't seem like they were about to stop anytime soon. They were both really angry and intended on letting out their anger on the other.

I wasn't sure how long the fight actually lasted, but in retrospect it felt like hours had passed until two football players were finally able to pull them away from each other. They tried to struggle against their teammates, but in the end had to accept the fact that they wouldn't let them go.

I could hear different voices from different people. Some where asking for another round, some were just expressing their relief and then there was Ashley A. She looked like a total mess and was probably still trying to understand what just had happened.

"Can you guys please bring these two idiots outside? I don't want them at my party any longer. This was so not scandalous.", said Ashley B suddenly and Ashley A stared at her like she was about to rip her head off. Ashley B seemed to notice her look and just shrugged her shoulders and shot her an apologetic look.

"Sorry Ashley A. I know he's like your boyfriend and all… but I can't have him beating up someone at my party."

Ashley A nodded slightly, even though I wasn't sure if she had comprehended what her friend had just told her. Instead of answering, she left the room and followed the others outside.

I would've stood there even longer, just staring at people, if Gretchen hadn't brought me back to reality by giving me a light slap on my shoulder.

"Spinelli! We should go after them. I'm sure they will just carry on their fight outside."

She grabbed me by my arm and pulled me outside. And she had been right. Vince and TJ were once again screaming at each other, since they weren't able to hit each other.

"YOU GUYS SHUT UP NOW!" Gretchen shouted and it was so loud and so unexpected that even I cringed a little. But it had worked. TJ and Vince were suddenly quiet, both staring in Gretchen and mine direction. A few more moments passed and the two guys that were still holding them back, thought that it was safe to let them go.

The silence that fell upon us was more than just awkward. Fortunately, Ashley A thought that this was the perfect moment for her to vent her anger.

"What was _that_? Are you like fucking stupid? Do you even realize how goddamn embarrassing your little show was for me? People will talk about how my boyfriend's abusive or whatever. You can't just start to like hit someone at a party. This will totally ruin our reputation."

Her scolding didn't stop for another two minutes and when she was finally done; she announced that she would go back inside and save what was left of her ego and good reputation.

Funnily enough it seemed like TJ hadn't even listened to her at all. All through her rant he had looked at me instead of her and I swear I didn't understand why. He didn't smile but he didn't look angry either. There wasn't any emotion at all.

After Ashley A had told TJ that she didn't want him to call her and that she would get in touch with him when she wasn't mad at him anymore and after she was done with her dramatic walk back into the house, Gretchen walked towards Vince, grabbed his arm and walked a few metres down the street with him, talking to him softly and trying to calm him down for good.

I wasn't sure if I was grateful that she had left me and TJ alone or if I should've loathed her for it.

"I'm sorry for ruining your party… again.", TJ suddenly said, but it was more like a whisper so I had to try really hard to understand what he was saying.

I was pretty sure that the word 'again' was hinting at the last party we both had attended. The one where he and Ashley A had first been together as a couple. I would've never thought that he thought that he had ruined that party for me. Well, he sort of had, but I couldn't have known that he had realized. Maybe running around with a saturnine look half of the evening had been enough evidence for him to come to the conclusion that I wasn't exactly having a great time.

"It wasn't your fault.", I said and when I saw TJ's look, I knew that it wasn't exactly the truth. In the end he shouldn't have attacked Vince in the first place, even though Vince had been provoking him on purpose.

"Ok maybe it was half your fault. But whatever. Vince was being a dick, he kind of deserved it. Even though I still don't understand what exactly happened in there."

I didn't know where I was going with this. I was probably one of the only 3 people that actually had known what was going on, the other two ones being Vince and TJ of course. I knew why TJ had freaked eventually. Well, at least I was assuming why. Vince had been talking about TJs bygone feelings for me and it was obvious that TJ didn't want anyone to know about it, fewest of all me. But he didn't know that I already knew, because Vince had already told me. This was getting really confusing and I could feel a throbbing pain in my head, declaring a major headache.

"You don't need to know. It was just stupid. He got drunk again and we all know that he starts talking shit when he's plastered. I think I should just go home."

It wasn't until now that I realized that we were still standing on the street outside of Ashley A's house and that it was actually freezing outside. Summer was definitely over.

Also I could see, in the faint light that the street lamp provided, that TJs lip was bleeding and I was pretty sure that he would wake up tomorrow, having a nice shiner on his left eye.

Not every part of me was fully convinced of my next words, but the part that was convinced, was much stronger than the one that wanted to not say anything at all and just let TJ go home alone.

"You're not going alone. I'll bring you home. I want to leave anyway and it's the same direction eventually."

TJ hesitated for a second, but then I could see him nod his head in agreement and I told him to wait so I could tell Gretchen that I was leaving. She and Vince were a few hundred metres away from us, sitting next to each other on the sidewalk and no, they were definitely not talking. From what I could see in the dim light they were vividly making out with each other.

To say I hadn't expected that would've been an understatement but I decided not to say anything because I didn't feel like interrupting them and causing an awkward moment.

So I just turned around and grinned to myself as I approached TJ. He furrowed his brows but I just said that I would tell him later and that we should get going.

We didn't talk at all, but it didn't feel weird or anything. We were both just immersed in our own thoughts and it wasn't until we got to TJs house, that TJ finally broke the silence.

"You know what we haven't done in a while?" he asked and I just shook my head no.

"A movie marathon."

I couldn't help but laugh. It was about 3 AM, he just had a fist fight with one of his best friends and all he could think about was a stupid movie marathon. But he was right.

"Yeah, you're right. We should do it again sometime." – "How about now?"

I laughed again. But then I stopped myself, because I saw that TJ was dead serious about this. He actually wanted us to do a movie marathon right now.

"I'm not accepting no as an answer anyway, so come on."

* * *

And that was how I actually ended up in TJ's bed. He had given me T-Shirt of his and a pair of boxershorts, both way too big for me, but it was really comfortable.

TJ was cooling his left eye with an ice pack, while we had just started to watch the first movie of the Scream series. We had watched it a million times already, but we never got bored with it anyway. We would still laugh about the stupidity of the main characters.

Sometimes I would hear people talk about how home wasn't always your house or a place in general. I had never been someone to believe in that kind of stuff, I was never really one of those typical romantic girls and I had always been proud of that fact. But in that moment, when I was with TJ sitting on his bed in the middle of the night, watching a trashy horror movie that we had seen far too often already, eating ice cream and screaming at the people in the movie that they shouldn't be so stupid – in that moment I actually felt like I was home. And know that I knew where home was, I never wanted to leave that place again.

I didn't realize we fell asleep until I was woken up by the sun shining in through the window. For a second I didn't know where I was, but then I remembered everything from last night. And I could also feel an arm wrapped around my waist, that was definitely not my own.

TJ's breath tickled me on my neck and the smell of his perfume was everywhere. I was sure that we hadn't been lying like this before I fell asleep. Yet, I didn't feel like complaining about the situation at all.

On the other hand there was this nagging thought in my head. This was how Ashley A would usually wake up and that was probably how Ashley A would wake up in the future because I was pretty sure that they would make up anyway.

A sigh escaped my lips and I decided that I should spare TJ to realize how we had been sleeping all night long and to have compunctions because of Ashley A.

So I tried my best to remove his arm from my body and get out of his bed without waking him up.

Luck was actually on my side, because I also managed to get into the bathroom, change into my clothes from last night and leave the house without TJ waking up or either of his parents to see me.

* * *

For the rest of the day, my emotions were torn. On the one hand I could still feel the warmth of TJ's body pressing softly against mine and yet I knew that it hadn't meant anything to him. For him it had been just another movie night with his best friend. Because even though Vince kept bringing it up, TJ's feelings for me were long gone and he had moved on to Ashley A. And I really wanted to be happy for him and be a good friend, just like he had been all this time. But I also had to admit that I couldn't go on like this forever. I couldn't keep on acting like a best friend, when every cell in my body was longing for something more. A part of me was always hoping that TJ would eventually realize that his feelings for me hadn't vanished and that he would see that he and Ashley A made a horrible couple.

But my hopes always came crashing down and I couldn't do that anymore. It was just getting too much for me to handle and I knew that being around him so much, wouldn't make it any easier for me. I wanted him to be happy, but I wanted myself to be happy as well. I know they always say that hope dies last. Well, but it dies eventually, right?

I had spent the whole day thinking about TJ and I and in the evening I finally came to the conclusion that I had to let him go entirely, in order to be able to get over him. That way he could have a great relationship with Ashley A and I wouldn't have to deal with seeing them every day.

I decided that I should tell Gretchen about my newly gained insights and I was also still burning to know what had been going on with her and Vince last night, so I called her on her phone.

She picked up immediately and even from the "Hello?" I could hear that she was in a much better mood than me.

"Hi Gretchen, it's me… you sound so… cheerful. Does this have to do anything with what happened last night after the party? Which you totally have to explain to me, by the way."

And she did. She told me how she had been secretly in love with Vince for a few months now, but always thought that she didn't have a chance, especially since they'd been friends for so long. Hah, at least I could relate to that part of the story.

Apparently Vince had felt the same (now I finally understood what TJ had meant, when he said that Vince had feelings for someone but didn't dare to tell her) but was also too afraid to tell her and last night when he was drunk again and after the fight with TJ he had finally spilled it all. One thing led to another and then they were making out outside on the street. Very romantic.

But I was really happy for Gretchen. She sounded so excited while telling me everything. Yet, I couldn't help feeling a little envy, because she had been granted her happy ending. But she deserved being happy and so did Vince.

"Ok but enough of me. How did things go with TJ last night? I know I was kinda… busy but I did realize that the two of you left together."

The tone in her voice was kind of really suggestive. What was she thinking? That we hook up in the bushes on our way home?

"We went home, we decided to watch movies at his place and then we fell asleep on his bed. When I woke up this morning I felt horrible because I knew that he loves Ashley A and will never feel that way for me again…-" Gretchen interrupted me immediately.

"Wait – what do you mean with _again_?"

Ugh, I had forgotten that she didn't know what Vince had told me because I had promised not to tell anyone and that had included her of course. But I didn't think that it'd mattered anymore, because Vince would probably tell her sooner or later anyway.

"Yeah about that… Vince told me a few weeks ago that TJ was in love with me but since I didn't return his feelings he eventually moved on and now he's in love with Ashley A and I'm the one whose feelings aren't being returned."

There was a long pause on the other side of the line. Damn, Gretchen always took her time with answering.

"That's really messed up." – "Oh looks like we got a real _Sherlock Holmes_ over there. Of course this is messed up. Everything is messed up and that's why I've come to the conclusion that TJ and I can't be friends anymore. I can't keep going on like this, even if this means that I'll lose him completely."

I almost expected Gretchen to start a rant about how I couldn't do that and how it was a stupid decision. I think a part of me actually _wanted_ her to tell me that, but it didn't happen. Instead she said the exact opposite of what I had expected.

"I'm not 100% sure that this is a good idea, but right now I don't see any other way. If it's hurting you too much to be his friend, you shouldn't do it. That's not fair for either of you."

I nodded, even though I knew she couldn't see it. I didn't need to say anything, because she knew what was going on inside my head anyway. She always knew.

"Look Spinelli, don't do anything you'll regret later. But you deserve to be happy as well, ok? Vince is coming over soon because we want to talk about everything… if you need me I can tell him to come over tomorrow, I'm sure he'll understand-" – "No, don't do that. You guys should talk, I'll be fine. We'll talk tomorrow ok?"

With that I hung up and then buried my face in my pillow. _When did everything get so goddamn screwed up?  
_  
I asked myself that question again and again for the rest of the weekend. I talked to Gretchen a few times and on Sunday morning she told me that she and Vince were now officially a couple but that they didn't want everyone at school to know immediately. And I could understand them, because people at school could be terrible. As soon as they'd find out, they'd start rumours and Gretchen and Vince would be the centre of attention for at least a week.

* * *

Even though I had two days to think everything through, I wasn't sure how to face TJ in school. He had called me a few times, but I had just texted him that I wasn't feeling well. He had asked me if he should come over but I had declined, saying that I didn't want to infect him as well. On Sunday he texted me that he and Ashley had talked and that everything was good between them. I deleted the message without responding.

I knew I couldn't tell TJ straight up that I didn't want to be his friend anymore. I was never one to be good with words and I would probably just have a mental breakdown right in front of me. Also he would ask me why and he wouldn't let it go so easily, but instead asking me until I told him the truth and I couldn't do that.

So the only option I had was to make him hate me. (Obviously it wasn't, but hindsight is easier than foresight, right?) If he hated me, I wouldn't have to explain to him we I didn't want to be friends anymore. He wouldn't even want to know. I had always been _such_ a great contriver. (Not exactly, but whatever.)

My operation "ignore-TJ" started immediately on Monday morning, when I was standing at my locker and TJ was approaching me. He greeted me cheerfully and instead of turning to him and hugging him as I usually would, I didn't say anything but got out my textbooks and walked away from him.

Of course he followed me and asked me what was going on. I kept on ignoring him, until I was finally at my class room. He was still asking me what was wrong and if he had done anything to make me ignore him. Well, so far my plan wasn't working very well and to be honest I should've seen it coming. TJ had always been a pretty resistant person and he wouldn't just let me ignore him without giving an explanation.

So I needed a new plan and while I was frantically looking around, searching for an excuse to get away, I saw my next plan unfolding perfectly in front of me.

There was one person that could make TJ so angry, that he would stop talking to me, if I had anything to do with that person.

Without so much as looking at TJ I walked over to a group of guys standing closely together, talking about their weekend and most likely also about the events from Ashley B's party. My eyes were fixated on one of the guys in particular.

When I stopped in front of them, they all turned around and looked at me. The guy I was looking at seemed to be both amused and confused at the same time. Before any of them could say anything, I put up a sugary smile and said: "Hey Lawson. I was wondering if you're busy tonight. I hope the answer's no, because I would really love to go to the movies with you."

And people always said that TJ was the one who was good at scheming. Well, if this wasn't the _most perfect_ plan in human history! (Ok, maybe it wasn't. But at the time I was pretty proud of myself…)

* * *

Ok, ok before you start ranting about how Spinelli is being really stupid and so on. I know she's being really stupid and naive and.. yeah. I think we all agree that this whole situation is pretty messed up and that's just how I think Spinelli would cope with it. She overchallenged with the situation, because she's not good at handling her own feelings. Especially the complicates ones. She wants to get out of the situation by searching the easiest way out, because that's how she always handles these things. Hope you guys can all agree with me on that :-)  
Reviews are welcome! :-)


	8. How to be a heartbreaker

**Cowabonga**: In this chapter you'll find out more about TJ's jealousy... or maybe rather the lack of it? :b

**RecezZ**: I'm glad you agree with me about Spinelli! And thank you so much for your lovely review :-)

**higoptix2**: Wow that's one hell of a compliment! Thank you so much :-)

**Big Cliffy Meanie1**: I love replying to reviews! It's so nice to stay in contact with my readers and to have some sort of conversation with them. Especially if they're as amazing as you are! :-)) Ok well then I guess I'll have to be patient. But let me know when you know when you'll be posting the story so I can prepare myself, haha. To be honest I really hated myself during writing the last chapter because it was so hard to not just let them finally have their happy ending. And I promise you that this chapter won't be any better concerning this issue! :-( :b And wow, a similarity in our stories? Now I'm even more excited to read your story!

**VinoMamba24:** Haha first off I'm a woman (if that's what I am when I'm 19 years old :-D). I'm really glad that this story is still progressing, as in that it gets better instead of boring. I'm trying really hard to bring in some new twists and all without making it seem like I'm trying too hard to drag this story on.

**superfaller8**: Thanks again for your review! :-) Hope you like this chapter just as much as I do!

Well yeah, at first I had trouble writing this chapter because I was writing while the little boy I'm babysitting was watching TV. :-D But then I kinda got into it and now I'm really proud of this one. I hope you guys enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it. Unfortunately I was too lazy to re-read so feel free to keep any mistake you find ;-)

* * *

The only person who was probably more confused about me suddenly talking to Lawson than TJ was Lawson himself. He stared at me, totally startled and obviously trying to figure out an answer.

I could understand him though. I couldn't remember the last time I had spoken to him without making a contemptuous remark. Not that anyone could've blamed me for it.

We had been arch-enemies in elementary school but we compounded on our differences throughout middle school and by the time we enrolled High School we were actually friends.

During the first few weeks of freshmen year we started to hang out more frequently and in the end we actually became a couple. I had always thought that he was kinda cute and so I was pretty happy when we became official. He was really sweet… at least in the beginning. After about two months he started to act like a total macho and started to treat me like utter shit. By that time I was already hopelessly in love with him and I brushed it off whenever he would ignore my calls, cancel plans or talk to me like I was his property.

On the other hand TJ was furious. He would've killed Lawson about 500 times, if I hadn't told him to back off and that I would never talk to him again if he would even think about starting a fight with Lawson.

And he actually listened to me until the day that Lawson broke up with me in school and I came running to him, crying and then collapsing in his arms. I didn't even have to say what had happened; he didn't need to hear it to get really angry. This time he didn't hold back and when he found Lawson outside by the football field, he let out all of his anger without giving it any serious consideration.

Lawson got some minor injuries on his face and TJ got detention for half a year and had almost been suspended from school for a week. But Lawson never dared to talk to me again ever since then. I wasn't there when it happened, but whatever TJ had done and said to him had made him keep away from me entirely. Until now.

I could see his gaze wandering to TJ, who was still standing in the exact same spot where I had left him. There was a mixture between confusion and victory in his look.

"Sounds like a great plan. But today's not so good, already hanging out with the gang. Maybe we could do it Friday then? I could pick you up; we'd have dinner and then go to the movies. Or whatever you'd like to do."

I knew that he was only just trying to win me over with his fake kindness and his arch smile. Little did he know that I didn't need any convincing from his part. Even though every cell of my body hated everything about his existence, I knew that this would eventually lead to my desired aim. TJ would definitely not be happy about this and would most get super mad if he realized that I didn't care about his opinion.

It wasn't fair. But I tried to ignore my bad conscious and just talked myself into believing that it was for the best.

So I tried to keep my girly smile on while I made plans with Lawson and when I turned around because our teacher was there TJ had left. I sighed and went into the room, trying not to think about the mess I most likely just got myself into.

I didn't see TJ for the rest of the day and I was glad that I didn't because I knew that he would confront me and I wasn't sure if I could deal with that already. I needed some more time to figure out where I was going with my _great _plan.

When I had class with Gretchen, I thought about telling her about my plan concerning Lawson, but I decided against it because I knew that she wasn't exactly fond of him either and I didn't want her to try talking me out of it. She had always been good at that.

Instead we talked about her and Vince and I once again told her how happy I was for her. I had never seen her like that before. Totally wired and always wearing that goofy grin on her lips. It was actually contagious and by the end of the lesson I wasn't feeling too bad about my plan anymore. One date with Lawson wouldn't kill me. Right?

* * *

The next day I didn't see TJ until lunch. When I came into the cafeteria he was already sitting at our usual table and of course Ashley A was beside him. Fortunately she was totally absorbed in a fashion magazine so she wouldn't delight us with her ramblings.

Everyone else was actually having a normal conversation and when I sat down next to Gretchen I was expecting that TJ would say something about Lawson or at least not talk to me because he was angry with me. But he didn't do anything like that. Instead, he talked to me like nothing unusual had happened and like it didn't bother him at all that I was going on a date with Lawson, the person that he hated the most.

I was so outraged that I almost wanted to make a scene in front of everyone. Why wasn't he mad? Why was he sitting there all peacefully while he should rather freak out and be totally protective?

Without thinking about it twice I got up and I announced that I had promised Lawson that I would have lunch with him. At least this got my desired reaction. Not from TJ, but from everyone else at the table.

Gretchen started to ask me if I was feeling sick or if I had been taking anything. Vince just started to rant about how much of an asshole Lawson was. Gus stared at me in disbelief and Mikey just expressed his thoughts about how he thought that nothing ever good came out of being around such a negative person like Lawson. Ashley only looked up for a moment, shrugged her shoulders and just informed us that she thought that Lawson wasn't exactly "boyfriend material".

And then there was TJ. Looking like he didn't even know what everyone was talking about and also that he didn't even care about it at all.

I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what so I just left and searched for the table Lawson was sitting at. When I had spotted him, I realized that I really didn't want to sit with him and so I just left the cafeteria.

I didn't know what was going on. Had I been so wrong to think that TJ would care enough about me to not approve of me going out with the guy that broke my heart? Because right now it seemed like it didn't even bother him. So much for being best friends.

Of course I should've been happy. In the end that had been my plan – not being friends with him. But now that he had encountered me with such indifference I felt horrible about all of this. I shouldn't have come up with that stupid plan in the first place. I should've known better.

But since I had already gotten myself into this, I could at least try to make it work. Maybe TJ was angry but didn't want to show it because I had told him to back off the last time. Maybe he actually wanted to be kind and do me a favour. Seeing it from this perspective, I suddenly felt the need to call him and tell him how happy I was to have him in my live. Obviously I didn't do it and just shut out any negative or positive feelings towards TJ. I had to concentrate on making my plan work out.

And it turned out that I didn't even have to do anything at all. Gretchen tried to talk me out of it (as I had expected) after I had explained everything to her. In the end she had finally given up but also told me that she knew that this would end on a bad note.

It was on Friday, the day of my date with Lawson, when TJ approached me in the hallway and when I saw the look on his face I knew that I had gotten what I wanted. I could see the uncertainty in his eyes when he asked me if we could talk for a moment.

"Listen, I think you realized that I've been doing in the past few days. I basically ignored the fact that you're going out with _Lawson._" He pronounced the name like it was something toxic that he didn't want to put in his mouth.

"I did it because I didn't want to start a fight with you and I was sure that you would be mad at me if I had expressed any doubts. And I'm not going to stop you from doing what you feel like doing but I still want to make sure that you remember what he did to you. He hurt you like no one else has ever hurt you and you're basically inviting him to do it again."

One part of me felt stirred because of what he had said but the other part knew that I couldn't give in to those feelings. I had to keep up a hard front and say straight up what I had already worked out in the past week.

"I don't think that it's any of your business. If I had _wanted_ your opinion, I would've asked you. But I didn't so why don't you just keep the rest of your _heartbreaking_ speech to yourself?"

I crossed my arms and the look on my face was so not me. It was probably looking like the look that Ashley A would have on when someone told her that her shoes and purse didn't match.

"Spin, I'm trying to help you here ok? No need to be act so bitchy."

I could see that something about his attitude had changed already. His look was no longer uncertain, it was rather pissed. So my plan was actually working. _Yes!_

"I don't need your help, why can't you just get that into your stupid head? Maybe Ashley A has already infected you with her stupidity." I _needed_ to take every chance I got to make fun of Ashley A.

Now I got him right where I wanted him.

"Leave Ashley out of this, she's got nothing to do with it. This is about how you are so desperate that you're running back to Lawson. You know exactly that he's going to hurt you. And even if he didn't – you guys aren't even compatible with each other. You hate everything about him and the way he acts. Do you need to have a boyfriend so badly that you just take whatever you can get?"

I bit my lip and clenched my fists. I felt like hitting him but luckily I was able to contain my anger. How did he dare to say something like that?

"That's a fun thing coming from you, since your girlfriend is Ashley middle name abysmal stupidity A. I don't think that you guys are the perfect match either and I'm pretty sure you could've done a lot better but she was easy to get into bed so you chose her. Yeah, I bet your motives with her were _all_ about love."

Silence. _Hah_! I was right and he knew it. And now he didn't know what to say without making up a lame excuse that no one would believe anyway.

"Actually you're right. I got together with her because of _love_. Deal with that."

He turned around and walked away without even noticing the few people that had been watching us. Now these people all looked at me as if they were waiting for my reaction but I just inhaled deeply and tried not to let my eyes start to water.

I felt horrible and I couldn't get out of school fast enough. I went home and I had already decided to not come out of my room for the rest of the weekend (again) when I realized that I had plans for the evening. With Lawson. I actually had thought that I couldn't have felt any worse but it was indeed possible.

On the other hand, going out with Lawson could have some positive effect. I'd have some distraction from TJ because he definitely wouldn't ask me about him. He would actually try to avoid the topic and that was exactly what I needed right now.

I decided to give it a try and texted him that he could pick me up at 7.  
But since we all know that I wasn't good with making plans it was predictable that this evening wouldn't go well.

* * *

After Lawson picked me up with his car, all he talked about was… himself. That was even worse than talking about TJ. He'd tell me about how much he had changed, how good he was at school now (getting straight D's wasn't what I would've called "good" but I didn't want to take this illusion from him) and he also told me about all the girls he had been with in the past few months. Only to come to the conclusion that he had never really got over me. Right, 30 sluts wasn't enough to forget about me. He probably thought he had complimented me.

Surprisingly (not), we didn't even make it through dinner. He kept mentioning that we should get back together and then he actually dared to imply that we would have "a lot of fun" at his place after we would've seen the movie. That was when I decided that this was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. TJ had been wrong – Lawson _had_ changed. He was even a bigger douche bag now.

When I got up from the table and told him that I wanted to leave because I thought that this wouldn't work, he got up immediately and grabbed me tightly by my wrist to pull me back aggressively.

"You can't just leave like that. We're on a date right now and I thought we would have a good time."

The mocking grin on his face was enough for me to snap. I raised my hand and slapped him right across his left cheek which would probably have my handprint on it for a few more hours. Lawson seemed to be caught off guard and I used this moment of carelessness to slip away from him and leave the restaurant as fast as possible.

Of course I knew that the way home would take me some time by foot but I didn't care. I could use some time to think.

I was still deep in thought when I turned in at my neighbourhood and approached my house, so I didn't realize that someone was standing on my front porch until I was only a few metres away.

TJ was standing there his eyes resting on my face and the look on his revealing that he hadn't come to keep fighting were we left off today.

"What are you doing here?"

Instead of answering me, he asked a counter question.

"Is your date over already?"

I sighed and got onto the porch, arms crossed in defence.

"Obviously.", was all I said because I didn't feel like talking to him about it. He would only say something about how he had been right all along. Which he had been, but I didn't want him to know that, especially since I still wanted my plan to keep working.

"Ok… I won't ask about it because you won't answer me anyway. But to answer your question: I came here because… because… to be honest I don't really know why I came here. I didn't expect you to be here so early so I thought I would have more time to come up with a good excuse. I just know that I hate fighting with you and I know you do too. So let's just forget about it."

There was definitely hope in his look and I felt horrible for destroying it with my next words.

"You shouldn't have come here. After what you said today I thought a lot and I don't think that we can remain friends. We fight all the time and we don't even know the reason why. It's getting exhausting and I've got more important things to take care of."

I could see his face go from slightly hopeful to devastated within a matter of seconds. I didn't even give him a chance to answer.

"You know yourself that it isn't working anymore. You've changed, TJ. I don't even recognize you anymore. It started when you went out with Ashley A and now you're like a different person. And I'm not sure I want to be friends with that person anymore."

Of course now that I started to talk about his precious girlfriend, he _had _to interrupt me.

"Why can't you stop dragging Ashley into this? She didn't do anything. This is between me and you." – "It stopped being only between me and you when she turned you into someone that has nothing to do with the guy that used to be my best friend ever since kindergarten."

I wasn't sure what TJ was feeling right now. There was anger, of course. But there was also disbelief and maybe even disappointment. In the end the feelings of anger asserted themselves.

"I am not the only one who's changed. You have distanced yourself from me, even before I started dating Ashley and you never even explained why. You didn't care that I kept on asking myself what I had done wrong and that it drove me mad that we started to drift apart. And you only cared about yourself and the fact that you didn't approve of my girlfriend. I would've done _anything _for you while you just sat there and… enjoyed it. I'm glad I came here today because that made me realize what I should've realized a while ago. You're not worth fighting for anymore. Vince was right all along. I'm done with you and this friendship."

My fingers were trembling and I could feel a small tear escaping from my eyes, but I brushed it away and avoided to look at TJ. I wanted to say something so badly.

I meant to say "Please stay." That was all I could think, the only thought running through my head in that moment. But instead I could feel my lips open and I could hear myself say, in a voice that sounded like it didn't belong to me at all: "Alright. Go then. Bye."

Without awaiting another reaction from him, I got out my keys, opened the front door and went inside. Of course not without slamming the door shut.

If I had been a little bit more attentive during the conversation, especially towards the end, I would've probably not failed to hear that TJ had said that Vince had been right all along.

Maybe if I had listened more carefully I would've stopped him and asked him what he meant by that. But unfortunately I hadn't and so his words were left unheard by the only person who could've fully understood their meaning.

* * *

As I already said I'm not sure how many chapters there'll be left. Right now I guess it'll be like 2 or at the very most 3. I need to sit down tomorrow and gather some thoughts and ideas and then I'll see what I could use. But I don't want to force this fic to be longer than necessary. Rather a short one that has a good storyline than one that has thousands of chapters and never really gets to the point. Hope you guys can agree with me. It'll be actually hard for me to stop this fic because I've started to love this. In Germany we say "Man soll aufhören wenn es am schönsten ist." which can roughly be translated with "Quit while you're ahead." (Haha, sorry for the small German lesson!)


	9. Rumour has it

**VinoMamba24:** I'm so glad to hear you liked the chapter! I was really proud of the part where TJ and Spin were talking so it's great to hear that you liked that part! :-)

**higoptix2**: Haha I guess we all love to see Spinelli making fun of Ashley. There's a little more of that in this chapter ;-)

**RecezZ**: I really liked that too! I could really imagine TJ being totally cool and like he doesn't give a damn and Spinelli getting totally furious, haha!

**Big Cliffy Meanie1**: Unfortunately things aren't getting better in this chapter between TJ and Spinelli! :-( even though I would've loved to give you guys some happy moments... but I'm just saving the best till last, haha :-) So you learned German? I can't imagine people wanting to learn this language voluntarily because it is so hard with all the grammer rules. Even I as a German have trouble using them right!

**superfaller8**: Glad to hear you loved the chapter. I hope it's gonna be the same with this one! :-)

Small annotation before you start reading: This chapter is rather short but it's really important for the rest of the story (I guess you'll all realize why while reading it ;-)) so I had to do it before I'll write the final chapter. Maybe I will add an epilogue, but I'll decide that once I'm done :-) And now enjoy reading!

* * *

The fact that TJ and I hadn't been talking for over a week now, was really getting to me. Of course I didn't show it when he was around because I didn't want him to think that I missed him. (Which I did, obviously.)

I was too proud to tell him I was sorry and a small part of me was still mad at him for what he had said. How could he dare tell _me _that I had changed when he was the one who had changed the most?

I tried my best not to think about him and our fight but seeing him in school every day didn't make it any easier for me to avoid thinking about it. Of course our friends didn't want to accept that we were basically ignoring each other's existence whenever we had to sit at the table with each other but after a few days they had to realize that we'd have to figure this out on our own.

I was really looking forward to the weekend because that would mean that I'd have two days without having to see TJ and I could spend 48 hours to myself thinking about everything and torturing myself with "What if's".

Fortune didn't seem to be with me because, even though I didn't know it when I woke up on Friday morning, this day was going to be crazy and it would cost me the rest of what was left of my good mood.

It all started when I walked right up to my locker and Gretchen was already there waiting for me. She had that "We need to talk"-face on and for a second I considered turning around and running in another direction.

"We need to talk.", she announced when I stopped in front of her and I almost laughed, but fortunately had been able to hold it back. I nodded to let her know that I would listen to her.

"You and TJ really need to work things out. This is what feels like the hundredth time that you guys have fought this school year and it's getting ridiculous. And there would also be a simple resolution to all of this if you would just tell him that you're in love with him. Even if he doesn't return those feelings. Right now all of this secret-keeping is making things worse for you guys. You're losing your friendship with him, because you're not honest with him."

Ugh. The same thing she had been saying to me for the past week and I was getting really annoyed by it. I had told her about the fight and afterwards she suggested that I should finally tell TJ what I really felt for him. As if it was that easy.

"I told you – I won't tell him, because it won't change a thing. It will probably just make him hate me more."

I slammed my locker shut and turned away. Gretchen followed me immediately, walking right next to me.

"That's what Vince and I thought and then we finally got our shit together and now we're really happy." – "The only differences between you and Vince and me and TJ are that firstly Vince was also in love with you and secondly he didn't have a girlfriend at a time. And the last time _I _checked TJ was still totally in love with Miss-"I act as if stupidity was a virtue"."

Suddenly Gretchen stopped and she also grabbed my arm in order to stop me from walking on without her. I turned around and shook her a confused look.

"What's going on? I'm sorry, I know you told me to stop insulting her but you know she makes it really hard for me not to-"

Gretchen interrupted me.

"You don't know?"

That wasn't even a full sentence because the main part was missing therefore I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Obviously I don't. But I bet you're gonna file me in on the amazing news you've got."

I couldn't help but put a little irony in my sentence. I was getting really pissed and Gretchen's weird act wasn't exactly helpful.

"I can't believe that you don't know! Why didn't anyone tell you? Why didn't I tell you? Well, because I thought you knew because everyone knows. TJ and Ashley aren't together anymore. He broke up with her on Saturday, I guess. It's the only topic everyone's been talking about. No one knows how or why but it looks like it wasn't a mutual decision. Ashley A was so mad when she walked into school on Monday."

To say that I was surprised was an understatement. I just stood there and stared at Gretchen with my mouth open wide. Was what she had just said really the truth? Well, she didn't have any reason to lie to me.

So, the dream couple broke up. My lips formed a small smile but then I realized that it didn't change anything. Of course I found it amusing that Ashley A had been dumped by TJ but it frankly didn't have anything to do with TJ and me. We were still fighting and obviously he didn't even think it was necessary to tell me about it.

I was really wondering why I hadn't heard anything about it. According to Gretchen it was the number one topic at school, but in the past days I had been really distracted with distracting myself from thinking about TJ so I probably blocked out everything that had anything to do with him.

I realized that Gretchen and I were still standing in the middle of the hallway and that I was still staring at her. I shook my head slightly to shake off all of my previous thoughts and put on a face that was supposed to show Gretchen how much I didn't care.

"So what? Doesn't change anything."

I started to walk again but of course Gretchen wouldn't let me go so easily.

"It changes _everything. _Maybe you can try to be friends again, now that she won't be around him any longer."

I sighed. Not because she was right, but because she was so naïve to think that everything would go back to normal just because Ashley A was out of the picture. In the end she wasn't the reason TJ and I had fought. We both had changed and we had been distancing ourselves from one another. Ashley had been a symptom, not the trigger.

"We can't, ok? We tried and we failed. I hate not being around him, I really do. And my feelings for him make it ever harder to stay away but it's for the better. We were trying so hard to remain friends that we blanked out on the fact that it didn't work anymore. I'm trying to accept that and he is obviously too. So I would be grateful if you could try it as well."

This time Gretchen didn't follow me. Maybe because she knew that it didn't make any sense or maybe because she had realized that I was right. I assumed the first option but was only just glad that she finally left me alone.

* * *

Everything else happened during lunch. The first incident was when I left my class room and made my way to the cafeteria. When I turned into the hallway in front of the cafeteria I saw Vince and TJ talking to each other. Well, they weren't exactly talking. They were whispering, but I could still hear that they were both upset. It actually sounded like they were fighting.

I made a step back around the corner and leant against the cold stonewall. I knew it wasn't right to try and listen to their conversation, but I couldn't understand anything anyway.  
Sometimes there were scraps of their conversation being carried my way but it was never enough to fully understand the meaning.

"Just tell her."

"Stay out of my business."

"If you don't, I will."

"You're making things worse."

I had no idea what they were talking about but since I heard the word "she" a few times, I figured it was about Ashley A. Maybe TJ regretting breaking up with her and now he wanted her back but didn't know how to tell her.

I waited until I heard the door of the cafeteria open and close until I peeked around the corner. They were both gone and so I could make my way to the cafeteria as well.

The silence at our table was even more uncomfortable then in the past days. Vince and TJ were exchanging glances all the time and it looked like they were about to start fighting again. After a few minutes TJ seemed to have enough and he got up and left the room, leaving the others behind with startled faces.

Actually I felt like leaving too but I thought that it would seem childish and so I just tried my best to ignore everyone and eat my food in peace.

Needless to say that I wasn't granted peace. Shortly after TJ had left, Vince and Gretchen had started to move closer together and whisper about something. What was it with people and their whispering? Everyone else at the table was acting like they didn't see anything but I couldn't help but stare at the couple.

"Wait, what?", Vince yelled out all of a sudden, making everyone including me flinch.

Before anyone could ask them what was going on, Vince grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the table. Now the others looked at me, as if they were expecting that I could tell them what was going on, but I was just as confused as them.

Feeling annoyed by everyone's staring I decided to leave after all. This day was getting with each passing minute and by then I was fully prepared for a weekend all by myself.

As I was making my way through the hallways, I didn't expect to run into anyone since most people were still at lunch. But of course I had to run into the person that I wanted to see the least. Ashley A and her fellow Ashleys had gathered around Ashley A's locker and were apparently re-applying Ashley A's make-up.

When they noticed me they all shut up and stared at me with angry looks. Ok, I knew wasn't on the top of their list of people they loved to see but the way they were looking at me now seemed a little exaggerated.

"Is something wrong?", I asked when neither of them explained to me what their problem was.

Ashley A stepped forward and crossed her arms while sizing me up with a despicable look.

"Now that I've taken a closer look at you I have inform you that there is nothing _right_ about you. You can leave now, Spinugly."

I didn't know what was going on but Ashley A seemed to be really pissed off because of me. What had I done to her? It wasn't my fault that TJ broke up with her so she had no right to put it out on me.

"You know Ashley, in all this time that I've known you, you actually did teach me one thing: I won't argue with idiots like you anymore, because you will just lower me to your level and then you'd beat me with experience. But whatever problem it is you have – keep it to yourself, ok?"

I gave her a winning smile and then turned on my heels. It definitely took all of them a second to understand what I had just said because I could hear their shocked gasps when I was already a few metres away. Wow, they really _had_ trouble thinking.

I left the school building and didn't intend on going back in today. The encounter with the Ashleys had been the last straw for me and I knew I wouldn't be able to stay at school any longer without freaking out. Why was everyone acting so weird and what had I done to get Ashley A so mad at me? Not that it bothered me, because I really didn't care about being on good terms with her but it still bugged me that I couldn't figure it out.

When I was finally home I shoved aside all of my thoughts and decided to not let all of what happened today get to me. I had already enough things to worry about.

In my room I unpacked my bag and found my phone somewhere beneath my text books. I had three missed calls from Gretchen and I decided that in order to have a quiet weekend, I'd need to turn my phone off for the next 48 hours.

I also went downstairs and told my mum that she should tell my friends (if they called on our house telephone or came to visit me) that I wasn't there. I left it up to her to come up with a good excuse.

It was a relief to turn my phone off. Even though I knew that it wasn't fair to Gretchen or the others I couldn't help but feel great about being on my own, without anyone trying to tell me what was best for me. I knew that my mother would try to talk to me sooner or later but by now she had realized that she couldn't force me to talk to her about.

* * *

And I was actually able to enjoy small parts of my weekend. I spent a lot of time with my parents and I barely thought about TJ or anyone else at school. I actually made all of my homework for the next week and was in general being really productive.

What I didn't know was that by Saturday afternoon there were about 60 missed calls by either Gretchen or Vince and even more text messages from both of them. If I had known, I would've read the messages or called them back because I would've realized that there was something really important (or should I say life-changing?!) they had to tell me about.

I also couldn't know that by Sunday night everything that had happened on Friday would have been explained to me and I would realize that sometimes people _do_ get their happy ending just like in those cheesy movies. The way of getting there wouldn't be exactly easy but in the end it would be definitely worth it.

* * *

So that was it! I guess most of you can already put one and one together and figure out what's been going on and maybe also what will happen next ;-) But I hope you guys are still excited for the next (and last :-() chapter. It will most likely be longer than this one and it will take me (presumably) until Friday to get it done, but I can't make any promises.  
Reviews are welcome! :-)


	10. Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours

No long introduction this time because I'll leave a few words at the end of this chapter! :-)

* * *

It was late Sunday afternoon and my parents and I had just had dinner when my mother had to give into her curiosity and she asked me what had been going on with me in the past few weeks.

At first I wanted to tell her to mind her own business, because I didn't feel like talking to her about everything. But then I realized that she only wanted to help and I had to admit that my whole situation was already as bad as possible so I decided that it wouldn't hurt to tell her about it. Maybe not the whole story but bits and pieces.

I sighed and asked her to sit down at the table again. I could see that she was relieved that I finally let her in on what was going on. She didn't say anything after she said down but only mustered me with a worried as well as curious look.

"Ok, so… I don't exactly know where to start but I think it all started when I realized that I had… you know… feelings for someone."

She nodded slightly as if to signalise that she was listening and comprehending.

"It doesn't matter who it is… it just hit me suddenly. And I was afraid to tell him because I thought that he didn't feel the same, which he didn't because then he got a girlfriend and at first I was really pissed off but then his best friend told me that he had been in love with me before he got together with his girlfriend but that he had obviously moved on. Then I tried to remain friends with him but it didn't work out and he's totally mad at me now. And now he broke up with his girlfriend… And I don't know what to think or do."

My mother didn't say anything for a few minutes as if she was trying to understand everything I had told her. I was pretty sure that she knew who I was talking about but luckily she didn't say anything and acted like she had no clue who this story had been about.

"Ashley, sweetheart. I realize that you got yourself and… him in a weird situation. And I can totally understand that it is terrifying to tell someone when you have developed feelings other than friendship for someone but sometimes you just have to take your courage in both hands and tell them upfront what you're feeling. He was probably in the same situation. You said that he used to have feelings for you and then he had to make a decision: Tell you or get over you. He decided on the second alternative. And now you have to make the same decision. You can go on like this, hide in your room and try to avoid him and everyone else until your feelings for him will vanish. Or you can go tell him, clear things up and maybe you guys can figure something out together."

She smiled at me encouragingly and I hated to admit it, but she was totally right about everything. Right now I really regretted not talking to her about it earlier because she _could_ be annoying as hell but she only wanted what was best for me.

"You're right mum… but I don't want to lose him as a friend, you know? And if I tell him about my feelings, he will feel awkward and act weird when I'm around."

I couldn't stop my voice from sounding like I was about to cry, because that was exactly what I wanted to do. Everything that had happened in the past months was coming back to me now and it felt like it was all collapsing on top of me.

"But your situation right now isn't any better, right? Didn't you say that he was mad at you? I can't tell you what to do and what is right or wrong. But sitting around and ignoring your feelings and acting like they don't exist has brought you nowhere so far. Maybe it's time to try something else."

It hurt me to realize how right she was. A part of me had wanted her to tell me that I should go on like I did until now and that it would all turn out fine in the end. But she was my mother and she had to be honest with me.

"You should think about, Ashley. And no matter what happens, remember that your dad and I are always here for you."

She engulfed me into a short hug and then went back to give her attention to cleaning the dishes from dinner.

I sat there for another few minutes and thought about my options. I knew that no matter how I'd decide, TJ and I's friendship would never go back to normal and accepting this fact was really hard. Yet I knew that there was no other way out and I got up and went to my room where I changed and then – finally – turned on my phone.

For some seconds it kept buzzing because of all the messages from Gretchen and Vince but I just ignored them all and dialled TJ's number. It didn't surprise me when he didn't pick up, but I had secretly hoped he would. Now I had to go over and talk to him in person.

I hadn't thought about what exactly I wanted to tell him, but I hoped that I would get some inspiration on the short walk over to his house. When I approached TJ's house, I could see that there were already two people standing on his front porch. To my surprise I recognized that it was Vince and Gretchen.

When they saw me, they both started screaming my name and waving like crazy, as if they wanted to get my attention. _Maybe I should've called them first…_

"There you are! Why didn't you answer our calls or any of our thousand messages? We need to tell you something!", Gretchen exclaimed when I had finally joined her and Vince on the front porch. I looked over to Vince and he was just nodding furiously next to Gretchen.

But before either of them could've said anything, the door opened and TJ was standing in the doorway, having both confusion and irritation on his face.

"Did you really have to ring the doorbell like 50 times? What's going on here anyway?"

He looked at me for a really short moment, so short that I actually thought I had only imagined it.

"We need to talk to you." – "Yeah and to Spinelli too!", Vince and Gretchen said.

"Well I'm not in the mood to talk to either of you so why don't we postpone this to… I don't know… never?"

I started to feel really uncomfortable. All of my former courage had disappeared and I actually wanted to run back to my house and ignore that any of this ever happened.

"No we can't, we really need to tell you something.", Gretchen didn't seem like she would let herself be dismissed so easily. I was getting curious about what was going on with her and Vince, but I decided that talking to TJ was my priority and that the two of them could wait.

"I know you probably don't want to talk to me either, but I got something that we need to talk about TJ and I think that you should hear me out, at least a last time."

My voice was nothing more than a whisper but TJ had obviously heard me because he now looked at me. He was probably pondering if he should rather let me or the two crazy ones in. Fortunately he realized that what I had to tell him was way more important than what they had to tell him and he eventually nodded.

"No but you guys have to let us tell you something first.", Vince interrupted. Both TJ and I ignored them and I stepped into the house. I could hear Gretchen groan loudly before TJ closed the front door.

Suddenly my head was empty and I didn't know what I was doing here. TJ had already gone back into the living room and I could feel my feet move in the same direction.

I wished that he had sat down because I really wanted to sit down too because I wasn't sure how much longer my legs would carry me.

But instead he was standing in the middle of the room, arms crossed and his look indefinable for me.

"What did you have to tell me that is so important?"

I really didn't know. The silence in my head had made way for thousand of thoughts that were now running through it. I just stood there and stared at TJ as if he knew the answer to the question himself.

After a while TJ seemed to realize that I would say anything and he just let out an amused laugh.

"So, you just came here to say nothing at all? Are you kidding me? You know what? If this is just another one of your silly games you can just leave right away because I'm done with that once and for all. I don't have to waste my time with you anymore; you showed me that it's not worth it."

His words hit me hard and they also brought back some of my sanity. I had expected him to be mad at me, but the way he was talking to me it seemed like he loathed my very being. I couldn't believe that it was so easy for him to hate me, when we had been friends for so long. Now I was starting to get mad as well.

"Do you even hear what you're saying? Last week you got mad at me for telling you that you've changed but if you could listen to yourself right now, you would agree with me."

TJ just rolled his eyes, but I could also see that he didn't expect for me to fight back. He probably had hoped that he would get this over with as fast as possible. But I wouldn't just let him treat me like that.

"I used to be your _best friend_. And then suddenly you change, you put Ashley A before our friendship and you didn't even care how I felt. It seemed like you didn't need me in your life anymore and that really hurt, TJ."

In the beginning my voice had been loud and steady until it got shakier towards the end. I had been trying not to show him how much all of this was affecting me but I couldn't hold it in any longer. I could feel tears forming in my eyes and this time I really didn't care if they would flow.

But apparently TJ was also not going to let things go easily this time. He got even more enraged my previous words.

"_You_ are trying to tell me about being hurt? Do you know how much it hurt to realize that my _best friend_ couldn't be happy for me? Did you even care how much it hurt me when you went crawling back to Lawson after I had gotten in so much trouble for trying to keep him away from you? I did _everything_ for you. I would've given you anything you could've possibly asked for and you just took all of it for granted."

I wanted to respond immediately, but was interrupted when I heard loud knocking on the window behind me. At first I thought I had imagined it, but TJ was also staring in the direction and so I turned around and saw Vince and Gretchen standing in front of the living room window, both waving and obviously trying to tell us something.

"Seriously?", TJ mumbled and we both just kept on watching them. Suddenly Vince put up his phone and pointed at it and then at TJ. He put his phone to his ear and a few moments later I could hear something vibrating.

TJ got his phone out and stared at the screen, which read 'Vince'. I wanted to laugh because our friends were behaving so ridiculous but suddenly I felt like what they wanted to tell us couldn't wait any longer.

"You should answer, I don't think they will give up easily.", I said and TJ nodded in agreement, before taking the call.

"Ok Vince what is your problem? I'm kinda busy right now if you haven't-" he seemed to be interrupted by Vince who was talking on the other end of the line. I couldn't understand what he said but he seemed to be really excited about something.

The look on TJ's face started to change. At first there was only irritation, then it went to confusion and then in the end it was something between confusion and… happiness? There was actually a small smile forming on his lips.

"She is?", he asked and it was the first thing he said ever since he picked up the call.

I couldn't hear Vince's reply, but TJ was still smiling when he finally hung up. When I just wanted to ask him what had just happened, I could feel my own phone buzzing in my pocket.

I got it out and to no one's surprise it said "Gretchen calling".

"You should take it.", TJ said and for a moment I hesitated but then I pressed the phone to my ear and took the call.

"What's going on?", I asked, not sure if I actually wanted to know the answer.

"I'm so sorry for interrupting you guys, but it looked like you started to fight again and I can't let that happen anymore. If you would've just called me I could've explained this to you earlier but you didn't, but you have to listen to me now." – "Get to the point, Gretchen."

"Yeah, sorry. So do you remember when Vince told you that TJ used to have feelings for you? And on Friday in school when TJ had left, Vince and I started talking and I said something like "All of this hadn't happened if Spinelli would just be honest with him" and then Vince and I left and we talked and then I told Vince that you are in love with TJ. Please don't kill me yet, let me at least finish this story. Vince was really confused and then he started to laugh and then I was confused because I didn't think it was funny. But then he told me that there was something that we both didn't know and which he hadn't known either until that very day. He had talked to TJ before and he had tried to convince him that the two of you should sort your shit out and all… and then TJ admitted that he was still in love with you and that getting together with Ashley A had only been some sort of distraction and also the act of trying to make you jealous… which worked but he couldn't know because you never told him how you feel. And I only wanted to let you know that before you and TJ totally ruin your friendship. He loves you and you love him and now you guys can finally talk about all of this."

I didn't know what to say. I just ended the call and put my phone back, while I was staring at TJ, who was still smiling at me.

Suddenly I realized what Gretchen had just told me and before I could feel any other emotion, I got really really mad and I had to let it out. I walked towards TJ and before he could do anything to protect himself, I started to hit him with my fists in every spot of his body that I could possibly reach.

It took him a few seconds to get a hold of my wrists and stop me from hitting him any more. He looked at me in shock, but also in amusement. I couldn't believe that he was having fun right now. I was furious. How could he do anything like that to me?

"YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE TJ DETWEILER!", I screamed and tried to wrest my arms from his grasp.

"How could you do this! Really, Ashley A? You used her as a distraction and to make me jeaslous, are you fucking kidding me? What were you thinking? Nothing probably because this is the most stupid thing I've ever heard a human being doing. And I thought we were friends, I thought we didn't lie to each other and you just went along with dating Ashley and not telling me what you felt?"

To say that I was angry would be an understatement. I wanted to keep hitting him until he realized how stupid he had been. But of course he didn't let me, because he was still holding me by my wrists and he was much stronger than I was.

"Excuse me? If I got the story right, I think you weren't very honest with me either. And really, Lawson? You used him to get me mad at you? Very mature of you."

I couldn't believe that he was now blaming me. I started to struggle again but TJ's grasp got only stronger.

"That was different! I was feeling horrible because I thought I'd never have a chance with you and I wanted you to hate me because you were so happy with Ashley and I couldn't stand seeing you guys together. You lied to me all this time! When you said you loved her do you even realize how much it broke my fucking heart? You made my past few weeks unbearable and you only did it because you were too fucking scared to tell me what you actually felt for me. I really thought we were best friends and then you came along and –"

Suddenly my rant was interrupted, when I felt a pair of lips silencing mine. When I realized what was going on, I started to feel dizzy and since TJ had let go of my hands I wrapped my arms around his neck in order to hold on to him, because I wasn't sure if my legs were able to keep me standing any longer. I could feel myself closing my eyes and I sighed lightly before I finally returned the kiss and tried to pull his body closer to mine.

I couldn't help but smile under the kiss, because after everything we had been trough, this really felt like a new beginning. Finally there was nothing standing between us anymore and I meant that in a psychological way as well as in a physiological way.

When we finally broke apart we were both breathing heavily and I almost expected to wake up in my bed and realize that it was only just a dream. But when I looked up, TJ was still standing there and his smile told me that he was just as happy and relieved as I was.

"You're still an asshole.", I mumbled before I kissed him again, but before we could've actually started to enjoy it, we were once more interrupted by knocking on the window.

We broke apart again and I turned slightly around to see Vince and Gretchen doing some sort of happy-dance in front of the window and showing thumbs up every now and then.

TJ and I both laughed and I turned back to him and when I suggested that we let them in, he just shook his head now, walked over to the window and let down the blinds. I couldn't help but grin widely when I saw Gretchen and Vince trying to protest outside, but TJ just ignored them.

"I think we got better things to do.", TJ just said when he came back to me. And I raised myself onto my tiptoes, pressed a kiss onto his lips and I knew that I didn't have to say anything else, to let him know that I fully agreed with him.

Of course Gretchen and Vince were really pissed when we finally called them but they were also happy for us and they had soon forgotten that we had shut them out. TJ and I had talked very long and it was clear that we were both really glad that all of this secret-keeping was finally over. We both knew that this was the start of something really great and I knew for sure that I wouldn't let anyone or anything come between us.

To mention that there were of course things or people getting between us in the future was unnecessary but that was another story, one which was yet to be told. And for now TJ and I tried to enjoy every moment that we could spend together, despite of every obstacle that would be put in our way.

* * *

So, I really hope you guys liked this chapter and this whole fanfiction because it's over for now. I'm not really content with the ending because I've never been really good with ending stories and it felt kinda rushed. Still hope you guys leave one last review! :-) Thank you guys so much for all the nice reviews that you left until now. I felt really supported by you guys and you made writing this story an even greater experience for me!

I think you guys all realized that towards the end of this chapter I kind of implied that there might be happening more in the future for TJ and Spinelli. That _might_ mean this fanfiction will get a sequel. I thought a lot about it in the past few days and I'm kinda fond of the idea of continuing this story. Maybe you guys can help me make that decision? Would you be interested in seeing how their relationship unfolds and what problems they might have to face? I'd love to hear your guy's opinions :-)


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